2013 In Review

Boys and girls, we've made it through another year. 2013 ends in a few hours and Lord willing, we'll all see 2014. I'll try not to be as lengthy as I was last year, as most of you have other things to do, like party and/or attend watch meetings at your local churches/synagogues/mosques/etc.

January

• It started out so young, so new. What began as a quest to lose weight ended up with me gaining five pounds for the year. 
• I set other goals, most of which were accomplished at varying points of the year. 
• The house hunt unofficially began. More on that below.

February

• As usual, 28 Day of Black History Facts were posted online. 
• For the first time in recent memory, my parents had a joint birthday party. They were obviously pleased with all of that cake and the relatives around.
• Hoop dreams: my nephews Josh and DeShawn have them, mine became nightmares because of my bad back. I'd almost kill to be twelve or ten years old again, sans responsibilities and all the energy in the world like they have. I also learned that I can handle parenthood though I need to be a little stricter.

March

• The house hunt became real when we met our loan officer. Aside from Karen at Summit Bank, I strongly recommend Denise at Carroll Mortgage in Little Rock the next time you look for a home and accompanying loan.
•  After all of the fun and games, the boys moved back in with their mom - which is where they really wanted to be in the first place. I love my nephews, but I do like quiet time around the house. 
• I decided to commit myself to sending at least one blog posting per week, primarily to show someone out there that they need a great technical writer. I am also peddling my wares for a fair price as a freelancer - fool with me if you need me.

April

• Me vs. the State of Connecticut, Round 1. Ding, ding.
• Me vs. the tax man. I ran, and the sucker caught me. I can't wait for the day I do get a refund again, but I honestly don't mind doing my fiduciary duty as an American.
• We found and fell in love with our home! 

May

• Me vs. the State of Connecticut, Round 2. If someone doesn't release this lien, I swear I was driving 22 hours to Hartford!
• For what would be the last time for the next thirty years or so, I became debt-free!
• Sadly, my beloved red Hyundai Santa Fe departed for the automotive graveyard when that guy in the brand-new Jeep hit it. Thank God I only ended up with a bruised ego and none of the four airbags deployed. 

June

• To replace said Hyundai, we bought a Ford Fusion. It's not what most people would think I'd drive, but the price and 29 mpg had me sold. The fact it is ridiculously reliable is always a bonus.
• After having to crash with a relative for a few weeks, we got into our home! June 25 is a day I'll forever remember, as it is a day that proved that having faith in God and being prudent would one day pay off. It also means I beat the State of Connecticut.
• Shout out to Mo'B and my parents for helping us move into the house. 

July

• Throughout the year, I've awakened some nights to pick up my tablet and read Scripture until I got sleepy again. I'll definitely say I'm trying to walk with God every day, even on the ones when it seems like I am all alone. 
• We met the neighbors. They're all solid citizens who apparently were happy to see some younguns' in the neighborhood. I also found out who has generators and who needs one (us).
• The countdown to vacation became real. After all of the pushing and shoving, Chastity and I needed time off. 

August

• Vacation and second wedding anniversary. We needed to get away, and contrary to what naysayers quipped, seven days out of town were just what the doctor ordered.
• It seemed like I was working all of the time. When can a brother get some rest?
• Gosh, there's a lot of mail coming here. Didn't we already get this before?

September

• Party time! We had an unofficially first bash at the house, and even the rain couldn't keep me from killing the dominoes table and Lazy Magnolia beers.
• In the words of most NFL referees and my buddy Tim, we just kept forward progress. Nothing too spectacular, but something was getting better weekly. No word if we'll grow tomatoes yet, but if we do, he can pick his own.
• Oh, the joy of shopping at Lowes. If it isn't one thing, then it's another.

October

• Our true housewarming party was cancelled due to rain and sickness. Hey, even our well-intentions can be delayed or postponed. Wait til the backyard dries up come April or May and it'll be on!
• My Boston Red Sox won the 2013 World Series. Quoting Drake, we started from the bottom/now we here/Started from the bottom, now my whole team's f**king here. #Soxtober was celebrated here. 
• Every section has a season, and this was the season our uncle Lawrence left us for eternal rest. He was certainly a character - the man enjoyed life and giving people the third degree, all in the name of love. We miss you, uncle.

November

• If you thought I'd miss my wife's birthday, then you must be smoking something that I need a hit from. Although I had to work that night, we made it the best we could - and made up for it a few days later. 
• Ford Frustration: No serious problems, but both cars started giving me the blues. Fortunately, those blues were short-lived. 
• Our first Thanksgiving was too much. All of this food for two people? Tell somebody to come through and help eat this stuff. 

December

• I did not join Ozzy Osbourne on the Crazy Train, but my nights as Iron Man are prayerfully ending soon.
• Christmas at the Armstrong Household meant rest from the outside world and more food. It's a miracle that I only gained five pounds this year. 
•  My employer surprises me in more ways that one. 

All in all, 2013 was a terrific year. As we enter 2014, I pray for success, happiness, a bundle of joy to our lives, and only the best for all of you. I only write part-time, but the skills are recognized and respected. Subscribe to this blog so you'll be the first to know when something hits!

Follow me on Twitter @cedteaches 

God Is Taking Us Through It To Be Used In It

1 Kings 17:1-16

Learn to see what God is doing through people. Sometimes it is hard to take the next step - complacency sets it. He is trying to get to another level in life, praise, finances, etc else we do get comfortable in what we do/where we are. This is what will be.

Stand for God even if you're alone

In another locale, hardship must be endured (no Cadillac complex just because we accepted Him)

Elijah tells us to be encouraged 

V.2-3 Move beyond the comfort zone. Elijah was told to move east to Cherith Creek to cut him off from bad situations. In a place of isolation, he goes away from it all except the core. The closer he is, the better understanding he receives; the closer he is, the closer contact he has with God. 

V.6 He could easily go another way. What may not be good to you may very well be good for you. The purpose for going to the creek is to refocus. 

V.7 The creek dried up. Working for God is spreading the Gospel; therefore, the opportunity to move on to another level presents itself. 

V.8 Wanna see God work? He'll take you to the refinery. 

V.10 Elijah meets the widow fetching sticks and instructs her to bring him a piece of bread. The woman who is struggling to sustain herself and her son in turn keeps Elijah going for sustenance.

V.12 She planned on dying. Our purpose is to bring life to dead places! God can do more with that little bit the woman had than what we can with all if the ingredients.

Notice that when you do what is required what happens. You get more to do along with a reward. 

V.13 Go ahead and fix your meal before you die, but first will you make me a cake? Blessings come from being a blessing to others; the woman's faithfulness kept food and oil for many days as a result. God provides! 

My Stomach Touched My Back

hey hey hey

yeah, i know, it's kinda sorta a trademark, i suppose...

this morning i was so flippin' hungry

(how hungry a.ced.a?)

i was so hungry that______________

(try filling in that blank, if you will)

not because there's no food at home 'cause y'all know i loooooove to eat

not because i'm broke, just cheap

not because i had to go to little rock to give punkin her phone on my way to work

not because of the fact that at thirty-one years of age, i am teething again

- darn wisdom tooth -

although some semblance of humor to be elicited has flopped like andre agassi at open mike night

but because i simply was in the commuter's mindrush of getting to work quickly.

therefore, said stomach eventually touched my back and said........

"have you realized that the last time i worked was for some canned ravioli at 2:30 this morning?"

dag, bro, ya gotta get fed.

my bad.

of course, the belly was quickly satisfied by a four-piece catfish dinner

and a certain prominent cheater's (tiger woods gatorade) beverage, so tasty to me

what can i say? this man loooooooooves to eat!

but seriously, if ya get to the point beyond a growl and a tummy rumble, stop and eat!

til the next time

love, peace, and moisture max for daddy to pick his afro because it's flat on one side

tell the world where you're from

and anytime you're in little rock, go to grampa's catfish house on stagecoach road and throw down with the fish pappy heavily at a superb value

stay up

The Juice Loses His Cool & Rediscovers Clarity

hey hey hey

whut it dew y'all

it's ya man

and boy, do i have an adventure for yuuaaahhh!!!!!

(say it like soulja boy did last year, if you remember "crank dat")

these days it seems that the obama cool has taken over me

you know, the swagger, can't-mess-with-me demeanor,

this is the good life

even if the kid next to you is really pissing me off and he knows it

or your pain in the hiney coworker is sloughing off (again)

and the douche hasn't been fired yet

only because the boss man tends to keep a very visible, on-the-side relationship with said individual

am i back in mississippi? not yet, sorry, mister superintendent mane of humphreys county school district

home of super duper dank catfish museum (can i eat here too? damn, that's a biggun')

but seriously, guys, the juice has lost his cool

i'm not talking about oj simpson though i used to date like him (LBP - Life Before Punkin)

rather, my anger comes from not sleeping yet:

one day this one hundred damn percent grind crap will end and i can take an adult vacation

emphasis on adult

a couple of days at home just won't cut it.

it seems that everything frustrates and drives me bonkers like paying bills and

not having any ocean spray cran-blueberry juice to quaff down.

four hours of daily rest over months equals one red-eyed man,

redder than the hog y'all know as my santa fe.

one day i'll sleep.

one day i'll wake up and no one will add to the gray hairs up top.

one day...

til then,

nap time is forthcoming

love peace and afro grease from daddy red dax wave cap can

keep voting for kris allen to be the next american idol

show some love for my hometown of conway, arkansas

hug a goon

i'm out

Life Lessons at 30 From the Satirist

hey hey hey

it's me again

and i'm ready for a nice heaping of humble pie

crow just doesn't taste as good, but i've had both

today is my 30th birthday, and it feels the same as most of my past birthdays -

of course, number 21 holds a significant meaning as do all of the others.

i have learned a lot over the course of the aforementioned time in my life, such as:

love everyone with everything you have in you, even if your friends are jerks sometimes;

respect the one you are with

notice above the word one is not "ones"

smile daily and take time to enjoy life

allow the inner kid to come out to play - often

save more than just money; a rough economy can really affect friendships, too

follow the mantra from the hyundai commercial and drive your way

appreciate sage advice given, and be willing to listen

stay vigilant of your surroundings because no one likes being blindsided

praise the Lord with every ounce of breath in your bones

be thankful of everything and everyone

forgiveness is wonderful quality to have and grow into

former classmates and coworkers, childhood buddies, and exes are important people too;
otherwise they would not have entered my life at the junctures they met my sorry behind in

satire is a really fun way to convey my thoughts

contrary to what jay-z claimed, 30 is NOT the new 20; it's still the same ol' 30

til then

omg?!!!

the kid business needs me again

save money, live better at walmart

everybody is somebody at jacksonville high

and everywhere else, so you're included

ta ta

gotta run

love peace and daddy wave grease from the red dax can

smile and laugh a lot

The Shinestar Experiment. Part One

a bay bay

sup ya'll

thanks to all of you who read the last installment "Retirement at 30? Dude..." of my loquacious life

and a second shout-out to all of you who do continue to associate me with your friends, co-workers, dreams, toilet paper, etc.

i was leaving walmart this morning for the homestead

when i saw my mommy waving me on

 - if this ain't some momma's boy stuff, then i don't know what is -

and it hit me:

boy, some other people are counting on you to shine, so you better make it happen!

at this point, i don't know what or how in the world this will happen,

but i have (as usual) a unique idea.

it is called the shinestar experiment:  all i want you to do is encourage somebody to succeed any way you know how

this does not require funding nor a long litigious statement indicative of how the shine shall occur

nor my new personal disclaimer "within reason"

just do it

it may be writing, the art of storytelling/carwashing/rapping/compliment donation/teaching/whatever

you'll thank me later

t-shirts forthcoming for free.99

let's convert dreams into reality

and support one another

with my black fist in the air

and white buddies giving each other pound (the fist bump)

and team getting stronger by the moment

we matter, so let's make this thing happen!

God bless

love peace and daddy wave cap grease from the dax can

put this on fialac boards all over the nation

i'm out

shinestar

Not So Great Expectations (more controversy at a later time)

hey hey hey

whut it dew

it's ya folk

updating ya'll on life in the country and my 'Great Expectations'

grades are due monday and i have finished ten minutes ago

because i have to suffer at the friggin' dentist's office tomorrow afternoon at 2:45

and i don't really want to drive over here on friday morning to be a beholder of red devil nation.

true, i am getting older (and hopefully wiser);

all it took was a few nights of spazzing out in the local walmart

 - save money, live better -

my foot; i need to replace some of these mindless peons with initiative-driven adults

who are not drove

i sometimes miss some of my earlier experiences;

captain kenny's, mcgurk's, club brothers, and simply palling around in a raggedy-a** mercury topaz

through conway and arkadelphia and pretty much anywhere the a phi went.

my eternally wavering 'Great Expectations' of life flipflop more than john kerry four years ago....

hopefully barack obama is the change we all can count on.

did you know that sarah palin's first grandchild will be half-black?

and they say the south will rise again...

someone should backhand bill o'reilly and rush limbaugh and sean hannnity and the other racist a**wipes with ike turner's cold, dead

hand.

eat the cake.

as usual, i have lost my way

time to resume saving the world one kid at a time for the next twenty minutes or so

til then

holla at ya man

love peace and daddy wave cap grease

The Eventual Maturation

hey hey hey

what's goin' on?

what, no 'whut it dew'?

same ol' me, just can't sleep (that's all)

it has been awhile since i sat down to spread dry humor without the wet t-shirt

i suppose that caking it on like tartar sauce on a fish sandwich from a certain fast-food establishment would do the trick

here goes...

over the past year or so a lot of things have happened, mostly for the better:
no car payments, better credit, finding lucky jeans that fit- and a real vacation

yet along the way some things have become extremely disgusting to me

sagging, rude customer service, tattoos (if ya have 'em, more power to ya; tats don't do it for me)

as a result, i acknowledge that at 31, i have finally grown up.

no more big-faced rims and boomin' systems;

mohawks and patron shots, gone the way of the dodo bird.

my youthful aspirations of platinum grills and multiple pairs of air jordans, traded for 401k and mortgage payments

ever the serial womanizer settles down

tiger might try again someday

jay-z once said 30 is the new 20:

naw, bruh, it's the same ol' 30

ya gotta grow up eventually -

just embrace/accept it, as that makes all the difference.

til next time

be cool and try to stay out of the arkansas heat unless you're tanning

keep saving money at walmart

and all that other superfluous jazz.

i'm out.

The End of Moonlighting (Where's The Moonshine?)

Preface:  I am not depressed nor anything near suicidal. However, if you are hypersensitive to profane language, I do apologize. Enjoy another round of satiric humor.
-a.ced.a

hey hey hey

hola mami, papi, y los persones todo el mundo

the people have spoken

i need a better job, but where?

a brother can't get anywhere working at this damn walmart stocking dog food all night

and as i ask myself the same question that so many of you present to me:

why are you still @ walmart?

Lord knows, but i don't.

hopefully someone will offer me something very soon that pays better than this bullcrap of a gig

they say the recession is still lingering, but it never truly released me from its evil grasp

hold me down, as you might, but i'm gonna bust these chains

i'm tired, fed-up, and if you would pay me my money today, then i'll never come back to that prison again

kinda have that coach richardson feeling again

am i an angry black man? i've been called a whole lot worse, meaning that i'm not entirely giddy about the graveyard shift

and my education is being wasted by shoving funky-ass tuna flavored special kitty canned cat food upon raggedy, bent shelves

i'm not happy in the least bit

HOWEVER...

it does pay the bills.

what is my plan?

selling dope out the santa fe? hell naw, love my Punkin, truck and freedom too much

plus i ain't that stupid

send massive resumes to everybody and their mama?

been doing that, hasn't helped yet.

then what?

i'm burned-out, y'all

help me before i drink myself to death from all the boredom and ensuing depression

pbr (pabst blue ribbon) and sleeping pills are what i have remaining in the closet

plies once said the saddest man in the world is a nigga who can't provide

i didn't say won't,  just can't despite all the hustling and grinding of sixteen-hour workdays

does that explain why i work so much?

pray that i get my ish together and for a better life

this may be it for awhile;

therefore, three years of moonlighting has got to come to a blessed ending in the way God sees fit

otherwise, it's a lifetime of peanut butter crackers and water

and that would truly suck.

lemme out this mofo once and for all so i can get more fetty and weekends off

my feet hurt, i need to keep grading homework and monitior undrea and the rest of group a @ star academy...

gotta run, just not to the moonshine man up on the hill

will holla

be cool

God bless

love, peace, wave cap grease, and soouuullll!!!!!

Learning On The Fly, Not With My Fly

Dislcaimer:  I do tend to add one of these to everything I write in case I ever slow down to pen my satirical and somewhat autobiographical poetry collection. There is some strong language; if you are easily offended, you may delete this post. Otherwise, enjoy some dry humor not unlike a Texas summer. -a.ced.a

hey hey hey

whut it dew

i know i haven't posted anything in a pretty long time (for me)

but a lot has happened since the last time i dropped lines like pledges that quit alpha phi alpha

por ejemplo (for example, for those whose spanish is still limited to the taco bell menu board)

i got married to my best friend chastity.

she's seen me at my best, and unfortunately, at my drunken, sarcastic worst and she loves me no matter what.

y'all betta stand up, shout, say hallelujah or something!

i'm kinda not working - i'm lying, just not the way i used to

one hundred percent grind isn't really a good way to live though it would be cool to have more money than time

only that my wife would never see me.

hence, i'm trying to be a more family oriented, grownup version of myself.

what else?

i discovered that saline county does have a black barber, only that he is white.

from what i've seen, wendell can cut...but graduating from new tyler, he better be able to work miracles with lines, fades, tapers, etc all that stuff i'm too out of touch to understand all those styles

just keep my beard wide and thick, just like the late great gerald levert.

satire is a lot of who i've always been, but i'discovered twitter about three months ago.

funny how quickly i can drop nuggets of candor in one hundred forty characters or fewer.

wait, text messages are one sixty, so why lop off twenty?

and now, the moment we've all been waiting for:

well, ain't no moment.

life is a series of those smaller moments, and as God allows me to stay on this side of life, i'll keep learning

once i stop, i might as well go find me a hole to dig up and die in there.

married life is living and learning on the fly, not so much with my fly *gasp*

i'ma put it like this:

i can't piss on everything or fuck it all because if i pissed on everything, i'd have nowhere to sit or walk,

and obviously fuckin' ain't what it used to be,

it's better.

til then

support your local blue collar workforce and public service employees as we are the backbone of this great nation

change is a comin' in more places than the ashtray or our pockets

love peace and wave cap grease from daddy red dax can

and in the words of the great philosopher sir mixalot

baby's got back.

Merry Christmas

Too full for words. I hope you've enjoyed the day as much as I have. Before I head off to naptime,  I want to reiterate that Jesus is the reason for the season.

God bless, I'm out.

merry christmas (keep the bleeping receipt)

christmas is here, but did we keep the Christ?

hopefully though i think some of you only kept your receipt

of samsung galaxy gear smartwatches, air jordans, and of course, xbox one gaming systems.

if this is what our holiday has become then i want no part of it

because i need Christ in mine - and everyday for the rest of

my life.

the receipt will only last a few days - or until the item is either used or returned to kohls or lacoste or

wherever.

who am i to critique when i want that big green egg from congo fireplace & patio and

twenty-two inch rims (and new window tint) for my thirteen-year-old escape xlt and the outdoor kitchen of

my dreams?

i am a retail whore...and workaholic, as you already know, but i need a moment to remember what it was

like back in those days

without the twenty-four hour wal-mart and walgreens

when dad and mom only gave us what we absolutely needed and booted us off the

nintendo to go to church and say our speeches and then go see granddaddy and grandma.

oh what simpler times.

am i appreciative of it all? you better believe i'm grateful for my blue collar, git-er-done roots!

somewhere i got lost along the way and forgot that christmas is more than the bleeping receipt -

y'all can keep that.

have a merry christmas and remember to keep Christ in your holiday!

Yielding To The Will of God

Yielding To The Will of God, Jeremiah 18:1-6

Pastor Donald Manning, Thomas Chapel BC, Gould, AR

They still yielded to the will of God although they didn't understand. You can work all day long or solely live on faith, we only stay stagnant. By using both faith and works, we get places. We do belong to the Lord. When you yield to temptation, sin gets put into motion; temptation itself is not a sin since we haven't acted upon it.

We get part of the way through our journey and stop not because of tiredness, but from a lack of faith. Keep moving!

On the way to the Potter's house...Jeremiah is told to bounce to the potter's house and tell the people what they need to hear per God. He wasn't equipped to fly solo (John 15:5). Clay isn't worth much - just a heaping of mud, which is dirt in all actuality. The potter was making shapes to profit from, and those which are insufficient are remolded into something else. Transformation isn't an easy deal, as God through Jeremiah speaks. We have to be changed over by renewing of mind and spirit; be more mindful of God than what you used to be. You're being looked at on potential, not what you're trying to become on your own.

V. 5, 6: Then the Lord told me to tell you, People of Israel, I, the Lord, have power over you,  just as a potter has power over clay.

Isn't that awesome?

#YieldToGod

We Are Witnesses

Taken from 1 Thessalonians 2:10-13 in the Contemporary English Version; verses are below.

Lost people will be fooled by his evil deeds. They could be saved, but they will refuse to love the truth and accept it. So God will make sure they are fooled into believing a lie. All of them will be punished, because they would rather do evil than believe the truth.

My friends, the Lord loves you, and it is only natural for us to thank God for you. God chose you to be the first ones to be saved. His Spirit made you holy, and you put your faith in the truth. 

Most of you know that I a Miami Heat fan, from the days of Tim Hardaway and Alonzo Mourning, and more so since that epic 2006 playoff run when Dwyane Wade carried the team to its first NBA title. Although LeBron took his talents to South Beach four summers ago, sports fans remember the "We Are Witnesses" t-shirts Nike made during his Cleveland Cavaliers days and the famous pregame ritual which he rubs his hands in powder, claps to make a cloud, and the crowd would go wild. As those Cavs fans were for those seven seasons of triumph and heartbreaks - and thankfully, my Heat for the past four years - we are witnesses to greatness. Just as the media heaps pressure upon him, people in (and out) the church have an expectation of us concerning behaviors, obligations, and commandments. Are we caving to the outside world, or working under a unified message?

Five points come from this message: 1)Realize we are witnesses; 2)Move quickly to teach the ways; 3)Live like your words and actions carry the weight intended; 4)Perform due diligence; and 5) Understand some people are here to hate on you. Don't let them break you.

I. Realize we are witnesses. There are few tasks in Christianity greater than seeing it and being able to tell it, so spread the word. It doesn't sound terribly difficult, yet people tend to keep their mouths shut in fear of what others may think. If they talked about Jesus, why do you think you are untouchable? The responsibility is to stick to the message as closely as possible with deviation. Paul further specifies that our witness is fair, impartial, and such that we live the way we say we do. Simple enough, until we stray.

II. Move quickly to teach the ways. Again, I am using a sports analogy. The Patriot Way means everyone is held accountable and there is a unified front; a controlled message is easier to manage than one in which the organization has to distance itself from one bad apple. A few years ago, New England brought in a very controversial wide receiver because his on-field talents were considered vital toward another Super Bowl title. Sadly, he never understood the playbook and was unceremoniously released at the end of that season as a result of his inability to learn quickly. Like the coach, a team that buys into winning concepts as defined by leadership tends to be more productive. In real life, our parents/grandparents/legal guardians are highly recommended to teach right from wrong in addition to the steps ordered by God. By catching the young while their impressionable minds are still spongy, they are able to walk worthy of the Lord (Colossians 1:10).

III. Live like your words and actions carry the intended weight. It would be hard to believe a pastor who preaches against fornication if every time you see him, he's walking out the cat house smelling like a good time. Ditto for us. While we all are sinners, we need to continuously strive for perfection - and not put ourselves in a compromising positon that can cause confusion. You never know, that little bit of confusion may be enough to drive someone away for good! Therefore, we are witnesses to what is being taught; it is privy to get the message out there and keep it 100. There is enough fiction out there (reality shows, Fox News, most rappers' careers) to throw us off the ball. Keep a laser focus on the task at hand. 

IV. Perform due diligence. God has called us into fellowship with Jesus Christ; He didn't intend for us to go it alone. As 1 Corinthians 1:9 states, God is faithful to those who peep game to His instructions. Obviously, studying the Bible is critical toward due diligence; however, not everyone will open a book. Our lifestyle is a better indicator of our witness than standing on the corner of University and Asher street preaching all day only to run off for a nip of Seagrams. A fake life only deters from the actual job we have. 

V. Haters gon' hate. Because we are witnesses to God's everlasting word, we are not only expected to abide by the teachings, but also be prepared for the criticisms coming. This is why we study daily and pray for understanding. My booksmarts may not always get the job done since I may lack a sense of worldliness which could lead me to being hurt. Know that the haters gon' hate, and this is a shame. It's coming - there is a season for it - so get ready. Psalm 22:6-8 reminds us that we will be talked about, have our names falsely dragged through the mud, derisively called names like "goody-two shoes" and "straight-arrow". When we come around, all some folks will do is laugh at us, insult us, or even shake their judgmental heads. If Jesus was talked about, what makes us think we are immune? The taunts are part of our witnessing testimonies; if we never dealt with adversity, then how can I tell you to keep fighting through the mess?

As He was crucified to that cross, Jesus endured more pain that most of us can ever imagine although being black in America comes close. He was stripped, beaten to a pulp, his clothes were gambled for, mocked as the King of the Jews, taunted, hit with rocks and stuff, and so forth. Those Jews were witnesses to bad behavior, and surely some did not care until it was too late while others followed the crowds as dumb lemmings. What kind fo witnesses are we today? Do we float with the things in vogue, or are we sticking to our guns? 

Not Quite Militant, Far From Bourgeois

F**k the happy Negro.

I'm not him, kissin' the master's boot when he offered a scrap of red meat from his elongated table.

Not anymore.

I know I'm entitled to that porterhouse steak in front of him, after busting my ass for free all these years. 

While I'm at it, bring out the finest of wines and put those two baked potatoes over there.

I'm not your black friend, partner!

Today, I'm more like your worst nightmare now that I know how to navigate the system and annihilate you at your own game.

No whispering, stammering, speaking softly, avoiding eye contact today!

Meet your maker motherf**ker! I AM THE HEAD N*GGA IN CHARGE!

Nobody will be able to hear your wails and shrieks,

And when I get through with you, Barbie will be screaming my name as your bed squeaks!

I'm gettin' my forty acres and mule, and if I take that Mercedes too, then all the more merrier!

That is past due, like the bad check your ilk has given us.

"The last shall be first, and the first shall be last!"

How ya like them apples?!!

...meanwhile, on the other side of my mind...

I know better to think like that (aloud); better leave some things in my vivid imagination.

My life is pretty good, I suppose: near-perfect credit, happy wife, kid, house with white picket fence, good neighbors, private schools, and the police can be relied upon to do the right thing. 

See? There's an American flag hanging from the flagpole, not one of Africa!

I can't imagine living in the ghetto, going from hand to mouth having to rob Peter to pay Paul or...gasp? Selling drugs!

That's what those thugs do, with their jeans sagging and dreadlocked heads.

I hope they grow up and shave. No one's going to give them a job looking like that. 

Oh, goodness! Don't the folks down the street know how to use a poop scooper? My lawn is not meant for dogs to do their business and have it left behind for me to step into.

Well, I don't have to hear all of that infernal racket shaking my Pella windows out of their foundation nor see all of those Skittles-colored Chevrolets parked on the grass up and down this cul-de-sac.

Needless to say, life is pretty gosh darned good. If only the newspaper would actually land in my driveway...

...in reality...

As much as I may want to backhand my boss, I do realize that I need this job to pay for our lifestyle.

That sometimes means doing things I don't care for, like shaving my beard, cutting the afro, or perpetuating a tired idea. 

Little does he know that my inner Malcolm X is raging daily, and quite intimidating to the average man. 

Being affable is not a license to live as if nothing bad has ever happened to me. 

My cousin put it best:  Being militant doesn't get the bills paid. You have to grow up and know when to use your might. 

It's okay to be ethnocentric, just not a supremacist. That's not cool.

I know my daily struggle and am eternally appreciative of it; without it, I wouldn't know what to do through the storms.

So, say it loud!

I'M BLACK AND I'M PROUD!

30 Days of Blessings

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I've seen the daily postings of what you guys have been thankful for, so I decided that I'd share my 30 Days of Blessings with you.

1. I'm thankful for my God keeping me here this long.

2. I'm also blessed to have a wife that loves me unconditionally and has put up with my baloney for this long without looking to exit stage left.

3. I am thankful for our home. It may seem like a lot of space for two people, but nonetheless, it's the place we call home - and raise a family - as well as make lifelong memories. Outdoor kitchen is hopefully coming in spring.

4. I am appreciative of my job. At times I may come off as ungrateful and I am certainly not a fan of the night shift, Rineco does a pretty decent job of paying the bills and providing darn good health insurance.

5. I am thankful for my car. Despite my Fusion having more miles on it than the Santa Fe that was totaled in May, it has been extremely reliable and gets better miles per gallon than the SUV.

6. I feel gratitude to all who have come before me to pave the way, and when the future asks for advice. The fact I can pass on wise words is enough in itself.

7. I'm grateful for discernment. Not everything that happens in my life is front-page news, nor should it ever be.

8. I'm thankful for my family (the ones I was born with as well as the ones I married into). Through the disagreements, drama, and all, we still have each other's backs.

9. I'm thankful for being shown the true colors and characters of so many people I once considered friends. Since we don't have marquees on our foreheads detailing the types of people who come around, it is also a great thing knowing what I do know now about some of them.

10. I am thankful for quiet time and knowing what to do with it.

11. I am blessed each time I see and/or talk to you.

12. On a sports note: I'm overjoyed that both of my pro teams (Miami Heat, Boston Red Sox) are world champions again. Imagine what would happen if Henderson State wins the Division II crown in football this season.

13. I'm blessed when the seasons change - and being able to see all four of them.

14. I'm thankful that everything in this house is in full working order and that we didn't start out in an all-out remodeling/replacing war.

15. I'm blessed to have such wonderful friends in my life. You know who you are, so I won't start name-dropping.

16. I'm thankful for a certain sense of wit. Not everything is so serious that a laugh cannot diffuse it unless there is a weapon in front of you.

17. I'm more than blessed that my neighbors aren't rednecks. Being black in Saline County, you don't know how much that means to me.

18. I'm grateful for actually implementing financial wisdom. One day we'll be debt-free, but that is one small step at a time.

19. I'm thankful that my mom taught me how to cook so many years ago. All fast food does is empty my pockets.

20. I'm blessed to be able to share my life's testimony with so many via this blog and anywhere I may go. I hope it is a help more than a hindrance to you.

21. I'm thankful for my dad who has always had my back - and for showing me what it really means to be a man.

22. I'm grateful that my only sibling and I get along as well as we do now. That's what growing up and now living two hours apart can do for you. #weallwegot

23. I am appreciative of the public servants who are doing the right things to make our lives safer and a better place than we found it. I'm talking about firefighters, law enforcement, educators, sanitation workers, and all who work tirelessly through budget cuts and a population so averse to taxes.

24. I'm grateful not to work for Walmart anymore. The company is great for some - I admit I still shop there at times - but I no longer have to perform miracles in the pets department for a 50 cent raise. There are some things the company can do better, but I'm just a customer.

25. I'm thankful for my exes. Without them, I would have never known the gem of a wife I have, and how much of a douche I was to them.

26. I'm blessed to be a part of a progressive church that is "just my size". No one wants to associate themselves with dead, and that includes the house of worship.

27. I'm indebted to all of you in one way, shape, form, or fashion. As no man is an island, I thank you for letting me lean on you.

28. I'm thankful for the Thanksgiving Day spread. I'm sure JC Penney will agree when I have to get another pair of Levi's and a belt after overeating.

29. I am content most of the time, especially on vacation. One day I may get to retire and buy that condo in Ocean Springs so I can fish off the piers all day long.

30. I'm thankful for having been able to travel as much as I have had and knowing that the world encompasses more than the one hundred miles of my birthplace.

 There ya have it, 30 Days of Blessings. I don't want to inundate people with online postings, so here they are at one time.

Wives, Do Your Part

Ephesians 5:21-24
(in continuation of Sex & Sinners series)
The difference between saint and sinner is that the saint has accepted Jesus as Savior. You know there is a grace that keeps you through the day. God has expectations for us regarding how we live; we don't have it all. There are days that my little light may be used to burn you.

V. 21. Submitting one to another.  
You fall in line when instructions are given to you. In the military, you work top down leadership - the generals tell the coloniels, etc; in the Christian perspective,  you work as a team player. When you yoke yourself to the wrong train, you're apt to travel the wrong direction. When God speaks of wives, this is man & woman NOT two dudes (top and bottom), nor two chicks.

V. 22. Wives, submit to your own husbands.  It is imperative that women find THEIR OWN men, not the ones who are already taken. It shouldn't be as difficult as it seems to be with women being alpha dogs.

V. 23. Husbands are the heads of their wives. Like Christ is the head of the church, the husband is the head of the household. By learning to serve, obey, adore, etc., couples parallel the models in the church.

V. 24. Be in submission to everything. 
You've been forewarned about being unequally yoked by God. Commit this day forward to understanding the role of wife and appreciate more than just the benefits. 

Know Thy Neighbor

You can be a good neighbor only if you have good neighbors. -Howard E. Koch 

Love thy neighbor. pic.twitter.com/kkM9gz6N9l

— A. Cedric Armstrong (@cedteaches) November 24, 2015

A question was presented to the listeners of a popular radio station recently: Is it important to know your neighbors in this day and age? Do you know your neighbors? I've taken the liberty to looking at both sides of this coin, and if you know me well enough, you know which road we ended up travelling. The advantages and disadvantages of knowing your neighbors can make all of the difference - and even impact your lifestyle. 

The advantages of knowing your neighbors are the need to know the types of people around you; which families have children of a similar age to your own that they can play with; serves as a lookout; camaraderie; a sense of belonging; and being acutely aware of events, a "secret society" feel. Knowing the neighbors means that you get a pretty decent idea of the character types; if the people across the street are meticulous with yard work, they can serve as an unspoken peer pressure for you to keep up the lawn and protect property values. On the contrary, they could simply park their cars all over the grass and throw their trash everywhere as if the world is their private landfill. For families, the assurance that their children can make friends without having to drive across town to the park or the Boys & Girls Club means that they could have a place to crash after school until a parent picks them up. The kids may even become best friends based on the communities they live in! Another advantage of knowing the neighbors is serving as a lookout for suspicious activities throughout the neighborhood. If you're on vacation, you want to know that someone is looking out for your home while you are away and everything is safe and sound upon returning. No one wants to come home after a relaxing week at the beach to a ransacked house because no one bothered to remain vigilant while you were out. The next advantages are camaraderie and a sense of belonging. Life is so much better when you get along with the people next door or across the street in that you're more apt to carry on a conversation and share life events with them such as block parties, births, and shared yard sales. You take pride being a part of the community because you have skin in others' lives. The final advantage of knowing your neighbors is being acutely aware of events and the local gossip, a "secret society" feel. You know who is crazy, who the party animals at the end of the cul de sac are, and where the kids who TP'd your oak tree live. 

However, some people think it is unimportant to know the neighbors. Common reasons are we do not have time for other people at the end of the work day; all they are doing is waving from the lawn; welfare concerns; physically look different from the rest of the neighborhood; that life seems outdated; and this is what social media is for. In our fast-paced lives, the last thing we want to do is have to deal with someone making an impromptu - and sometimes inappropriate - visit. After a long day at work, the couch is the place to be, not conversing with the woman next door about her petunias and how the world is changing for the worse daily. Waving at the folks who pass by your house may seem harmless, but maybe you just aren't particularly outgoing. Their friendliness comes across to you as fake, yet it makes you feel like you've landed into a scene from Pleasantville where everyone is overly polite in their own little world. The third reason to take pause in getting to know the neighbors is for welfare concerns. Every town has sketchy people, and if you haven't met them, keep living. They may be just a little off, but their eccentricities are enough for you to be put off. For example, the Oompas two doors down only come outside to move their cars or load up to eat at the nearby pizzeria every Tuesday night. They may not be sketchy people after all, but maybe someone saw them scratching their behinds in public before or host Wiccan ceremonies at home. Strange, but I wouldn't call that sketchy; having a rapist next door with my teenage daughters in the bedroom with an easy windowsill to sneak in/out of is an instant cause of concern. Looking physically different from the neighbors is also a reason not to get to know them albeit a silly one. Being the token minorities in a majority neighborhood can be intimidating, and if no one is accepting of you, it is easy to stay inside and keep to yourselves. Again, this is something you would typically pay attention to during the house hunt, but if not, it can cause unneeded worry and additional stress that something evil could happen at this house. The next reason why some people think it is not important to know your neighbors is that taking the time to meet and greet the people nearby seems outdated as if doing so means you are living in a different era. It could also mean that you are remaining guarded because of past treatment from a former neighbor or someone you were close to betrayed you in one way or another. Feelings are important, yet it doesn't mean keep everything bottled up on the inside. Lastly, people think it does not matter if they ever see their neighbors thanks to social media. Most of us are on at least one social site (Facebook, Twitter, Foursquare, Google+, etc) and for much of the day, we engage ourselves in conversations with our friends and sometimes not even know they live in the same place as you. That sense of community does not matter since I see you online all of the time, so why should I come over to chat with you?

We did get to know the neighbors on both sides of our house as well as the ones across the street and behind us. While we do not constantly hang around each other, I know that they have our backs and vice versa; as for the neighbors behind us, we know where the party is by the number of people standing on their deck. My worries were relieved once we got to know them (hey, none of them are sketchy!) and after four months, we feel like we fit right on in with the rest of the subdivision. Your decision to introduce yourselves to the neighbors is completely up to know; I just have to know who the people that live next door to me are and what kinds of people they are. 

On Being Told I Don't Speak Like A Black Person (Story of My Life)

Emphasize the "th" in "brother", 
- it's not pronounced "brudder" - 
is what I learned in elementary school
where my redheaded second grade teacher
fawned over me as if I were her own son.
Trained in Fayetteville, she attempted
to pass on her passion of all things Razorback and 
simultaneously eradicate any semblance of negro dialect
primarily to push an unspoken agenda. 
Even in her forties, she kinda resembled a Juilanne Hough
type, always smiling in her own matronly way.
I somehow speak with more of a midwesterner's tongue
instead of the broken southern negro accent associated with
my neighborhood
my community
my classmates
my friends
my playmates.
Inflections were flattened;
a slightly nasal sound was substituted for the starting singy-songy sentences.
During those days no one told me (to my face) to eliminate that voice
perhaps they were amazed by the newly discovered intellect
and all wanted credit for finally getting me to open my mouth. 
It was only in junior high when I realized I sounded differently; 
thanks, cuzzo, for telling me I sound like a damn white boy.
I was ever so observant, inquisitive to a fault 
that once my a-ha! moment of awareness struck
i didn't sound like anyone black the other guys hung out with.
So here I am, entering a social crisis.
No way I could possibly sound like I was from Wisconsin or Illinois
when the extent of my travels were weekend trips to Texas
and DC in middle school. 
What others laughed at me about
besides my infamous red Urkel glasses
besides not having a negro sound
besides my limited athletic skill/ability
(remember, I was an intellectual heavyweight in the making)
besides the perfect fit levis that showed how much smaller
i was relative to everyone else
was how clueless I was in matters of the larger world. 
Suddenly, the summertime gangsters and rising hoops stars
jeered me as an oreo, a sellout.
I didn't want to be white, I just wanted to be accepted.
Then i knew black wasn't it for me. They knew
what black people sounded like from the movies
and in living color
and rap music
and I wasn't it. 
Am I supposed to break cardinal grammar rules, slur
my tongue as if it were tied up by shock tarts and twizzlers> or 
better yet, novacaine from the medicine cabinet?
Oh, I'm supposed to drop syllables, leave
fragmented words hanging from a cliff
were certain terms, phrases too proper
too academic, too articulate for someone who looked like me?
Exasperated, I inquired "what do you mean?" only  to
receive derisive laughs toward me.
you're such a white boy
you need to quit being a scary nerd
you should learn some, you know, Black English.
Does everyone in your family
speak alike? no offense to you or anything.
you're different. you're not black
like us.
did you grow up someplace else?
nothing means more to a person than 
his speech, so why shall I defend my tone?
Simply listen, prize the varying voices which differ
night from day without assuming
how any person will sound
until his mouth opens
until her mouth opens
until their silence shatters through
greetings in any language.

Jesus Is My Status, Not Facebook

This post consists of notes from when our associate minister Aaron preached way back on January 13. As always, study for yourself and don't buy into the hype. 

1 Timothy 1:8-10, 13-16

Aaron goes into the text as an introduction to Facebook. Status is what you according to your interests; in Paul's words, he considers it what you really are. Use the law wisely to ALL of the commandments, not just ones you feel are beneficial to your situations. 
Anyone can be saved! It's not that hard. Christ had to die in order for us to live (remember John 3:16?)
The Gospel is a divine plan according to Scripture. Everything Jesus did, He knew AND referenced scripture! So why go contrary?
Achievement? His life was for us. 
Free offer? I <3 free .99
Enjoyment of fellowship in turn = good news
Status: after things happen, we typically take to FB or Twitter. 

The Case for American Exceptionalism

Not to sound like a professional lecturer, but I'm proud to be an American. 

Just so you'd know. 

Are we a perfect people?

Of course not, but what we stand for is what unites us. 

I don't need some damn symbol of a flag, apple pie, baseball, or some French lady holding a torch welcoming the tired masses to know what I am honored to be...

Notice I didn't use the word blessed.

I'm black - and the last time I was pulled over by the cops, I was quickly reminded of said fact.

I know my way out of your lily-white town, sir, you don't have to follow me with guns drawn out at me and my little old car all the way to the city limits sign.

I understand that I'm not welcome, so I shall put deuces to this place, a reminder of Mayberry. 

I'm proud of my heritage:

The one of the struggle, the one that indicates that there is so much more work to do, the one that pushes me to think that I'm a part of the shining beacon on the hill, and yes, even that others are envious of my lot.  

I don't know what for. 

Having to spend my life shattering your stereotypes of African-American males is tiresome; we're not all pant-sagging thugs who can run, jump, shoot, and want to impregnate Becky or Mary Ellen.

Neither of them are my type.

What frustrates me when I see the words "American exceptionalism" is the aforementioned Rockwellian images that a few people tend to run with.

You make me feel like a bastard stepchild in my own family.

Am I supposed to fight your wars and kowtow to the symbols when I'm the last hired, first fired?

Enamored of what others worldwide see on TV when I can barely keep the water on and feed my child?

Are you kidding me?

However, I live in a place where the rest of the world looks upon us as a role model for its own people, if you haven't referenced other nations' constitutions and their desire for a democracy.

This also should explain why so many international students attend OUR universities, McDonald's is in over one hundred countries, and when their leaders get in trouble, we are the first to be called upon. 

Not last, THE FIRST.

So you think I'm not beating my chest? Watch the Summer Olympics during any Leap Year.

USA! USA! USA!

Where else can I freely choose my next President without having my entire family massacred for not supporting the government's choice?

Only in America!

In the end, we are exceptional not because of where we were born, but because of what our common ideas bring to an infinite number and having the right to disagree. 

Toldja America is an exceptional place, and I'm proud to be an American. 

Remember...the things we make, make us.

Innovation is in our bloodline, as are initiative and a certain strong ethic to be greater than the sum of our parts. 

I'm proud to be American, and that is what makes me exceptional.

When The Neighbors Make Up

My Bach trumpet's mouth is contrite.
We both shed alligator tears

To the Love Jones soundtrack. Louis Armstrong 
misses his wife. It hurts

To know the music means we 
need to clean up. The repainted walls

Tell a sordid tale. Tears can purify
the heart. Even your tender

Kisses ache. Louis Armstrong
misses his wife. It's muted

On my iPod, the moments betwixt
fighting and fucking. The wall

Moans in silence. The horn vibrates
C, B flat, D, back to C again.

Your tongue teases my right
earlobe. Louis Armstrong 

Misses his wife. No one called
til after the battery

Stopped. Our hearts and dueling 
horns. Both horns are work.

At rest. Mike and Ally are
barely breathing. You open 

My shirt like French doors
to passion. I am rigid

As an erect muscle. Mouth on the penis
beneath the curly hairs

This is the best pleasure,
make up sex. 

One Dollar, One Dream

all i have are one dollar and a dream.

it isn't much, but for me, it's all the opportunity i need

to break out of the rat race

and create a better life for my family.

i'm livin' on a hope and a prayer

that God keeps taking care of us, opening padlocked doors

because...

all i have is faith.

Little Friday

Well, today is Thursday - or in my younger years, Little Friday. The day of drunken debauchery is upon us. I get to spend my day in the dentist's office with an abscess feeling the pain. My mouth is killing me! The frustration level is increasing; how did my X-rays get lost in the email? Surely Google isn't that slow. Push comes to shove, I'll just take a cleaning and smack on the bottom before going back home. I just hope my wife hasn't fallen asleep in the waiting room, and if she has, then sweet dreams. I am getting sleepy in this chair.

I Don't Lose With The Stuff I Always Use

1 Samuel 17:37-40

Just because things are influx at home doesn't mean trade in what you own. Upgrading isn't always the best thing because the new isn't always better. For example, getting a new car when the old one is just fine. Your jalopy may not look like much. It might have the bench seat that everyone has to move forward or back with the driver, but it is paid for and you know its issues.

Having trouble? Let it go. Sickness? Release whatever is causing the ailments. The Philistines were the proverbial bad boys that attracted goody Israel. Because the Israelites forgot who they were, they tended to get into compromising situations woth the Philistines which obviously displeased God. As a result, the Israelis ended up in some pretty sticky stuff - and inevitably, 400 years of silence.

David was sent to a battlefield with no fight;  the men who were supposed to fight cowered from it. They let the problem have its way! Some people are simply gluttons for punishment. They live for drama and the associated pain (ie., fightin' and fornicatin').
How do you have a war and scared of it? David wanted to know what was going on with the Israelites' side: Why were they sitting still? Something needed to be done. Otherwise, the things God has ordained for us will never be accomplished. 

Having A Nature To Pray

There is something about man in its perpetual nature. Only by the power of Jesus can man change. James talks about Elias as a man with needs and wants common for all of us. He put his pants one leg at a time,  eats own bite,  etc. He genuinely prayed that it wouldn't rain; it didn't rain for 3 1/2 years. He prayed til his breakthrough! The next time he prayed,  it rained and the earth gave him fruit.

Prayer That Works

Prayer That Works, James 5:16

There are certain elements we are expected to gave throughout our Christian lives. We are said to be a peculiar people,  those who live differently - love our enemies, pray for our foes. As believers,  we ought to possess things in our treasure chest to get us through. 
1) prayer - believe God is able to do what you are praying for. Avoid being double minded man and remain stable. Those bipolar prayers aren't effective because they don't make it to Him. You may be able to fool the pastor, deacon,  members,  but not God.

2) confess - tell it one to another of wrongdoing. Be honest with yourself and others when it comes to sin; it is all filthy.  We aren't holier than someone else. Everyone has messes in their lives! When you come, clear the air with yourself; God already knows we have a way to make ourselves look better than we actually are. Example: asking for prayer to beat addiction. When you learn how to pray, you are becoming more like Jesus. 

The Power of Seven: Achieving Your Goals

Achieving your goals is a seven-step formula. No matter who or what gets in the way, NEVER GIVE UP. At times, your objective may look pretty grim, but pushing through the naysayers and meeting your goals will be more than worthwhile.

 A) Decide exactly what you want in each area of life. Be specific. What drives you? Is it money? Family time? Developing and cultivating friendships/relationships? Your ideal lifestyle?

B) Write it down clearly and in detail. Goals are ALWAYS on paper; otherwise, they are only wishes. Wishes have no energy behind them.

C) Set a deadline. By doing so, you have forced yourself to meet your goal by a specified date.

D) Make a list of everything that you can think of that you are going to have to do to achieve your goal. When new tasks arise, write them down until your list is complete.

E) Organize your list into a plan. Prioritize (1st, 2nd, 3rd, etc.), as this is your blueprint to build a dream house. Make certain that your priorities align with what you really want.

F) Take action on the plan. Don't just sit there, move! Get busy! Don't wait! Confucius once said a journey of a thousand leagues begins with one step. Have you taken your first step today?

G) Make progress daily. No matter how small, do something every day that moves you closer to your dreams. Over time, you'll develop the discipline to keep going all year long.

You'll be amazed by what gets done by the Power of Seven!

two weeks' notice

i came here for an opportunity fleeting 
and discovered it to be a mirage.
while i've been grateful to learn and succeed (mildly, so to speak) for this company
it is time to go.

my last day is two weeks from today.

i don't care where my next job will be or how much it pays, 
but i'll be happier than i am now.
i like the idea of a steady paycheck
i hate the reality of little, if any advancement

there are guys who haven't had raises in two, three, four, or more years. 
i say bs.
we're supposedly essential, invaluable men and women?
riiiiiiiiiight.
i feel more like a department of corrections inmate than any free man.

no lunch, another night in the swamp.
worse, no semblance of relief. 
can't catch a break around here.
thank God i have a strong, empty bladder.
i might've peed my pants otherwise. 

i am a control specialist with limited control.
i am limited by time
i am limited by finances
i am limited by sapped energy
i am limited by an unreliable walkie whose speakers sound incoherent
i am limited by a spouse who has stopped dreaming
i am limited by rednecks in management who would rather see me lift seventy pound drums than to use my mind creating, updating, and maintaining databases
i am limited by small town southereners who look at skin before knowledge, ambition, talent, work ethic.

my last day is two weeks from today.

if i wouldn't go to the pen for it, i'd probably sell dope again
but there are too many risks for in that
i'd lose property, my teaching license, my family,
     and the list goes on and on
my job has made me expendable
why would i stay where i'm not wanted?
maybe i like getting slapped around and called susan
but that feels like high school all over again.

the damn rubberband on my right wrist is supposed to keep me grounded,
not ground my career/life prospects.
where did i go wrong?

my last day is two weeks from today.

who knows what the future may have in store for me?
who knows why i've spent 34 years chasing knowledge
to learn that i am still a fool?
who knows, i may even go postal.

i kinda needed a beer yesterday,
i wish my wife would understand why i work so much
i wonder if God has a do-over button for my life
i'm pretty sure none of you really care
i know i won't be missed when i'm gone.
i can be easily replaced.

my last day is two weeks from today.

i can't kill myself yet.
i haven't been insured long enough for the policy to go to my wife.
i'll look at it again in the morning
something about a suicide clause, darn it
a limited life isn't worth living, so i might as well stop living.
all i do is work, sleep, and shower. 

i wanna go home.
i don't belong here, and home isn't what it used to be.
i spent all of my time trying to move up, 
do better than my parents, 
be a decent provider for my wife (and eventual unborn), 
and this is my reward?
eff that.

i've been on the outer fringes of life. 
tell me if this residency is real, or if you're pulling my chain
the whippings no longer sting
my bottom has been numbed by the pain associated with failure.
the emotions are devoid, dulled by monotony
something's gotta give, but i've told myself that lie before. 

my last day is two weeks from today.