Postscript to the Dad Chronicles

Throughout the past three years or so of Caeli’s life, many of you have reached out to me at one point or another saying how much they enjoyed reading the Dad Chronicles and for some of you, I saw a bit of disappointment in your faces when I told you I was closing the series permanently last November. Those of you who did keep up with the three of us caught a much deeper insight into our lives than I normally would have divulged, and for that reason alone it was time to end the procession; it didn’t exactly help that I was emotionally worn out from sharing the story time and time again. Was it the anticipation from providing updates every Monday for those precarious five-and-a-half months in the NICU that did it for me, or the best way I could channel my thoughts and feelings through that season?

For the past sixteen months or so, I’ve done less blogging and more living; for that, I am eternally grateful to my immediate family specifically Chastity and Caeli for letting me hang out around them as much as I have in the past year.

I know I told our family friends Will and Misty that I was going to stop writing last year when we were in Helena for the opening of the Freeman Playground, and aside from the last obligatory Prematurity Awareness Day post from November 17, it has been easy enough to leave well enough alone. I still send pictures to a handful of the remaining inner circle throughout the year but that is pretty much it.

Wonder Woman is my inspiration to build a legacy. In addition to being remembered as a good dude and better Daddy, I hope to leave Caeli something tangible that she can see and successfully own in a world that seemingly values people less and less. She knows every day is a GREAT day for barbecue, and so should the rest of you. 

But seriously…I’ve been working on my small business venture that hopefully one day soon replaces my Rineco (now Heritage) income and gives me something I haven’t had since 2003:  a daytime role that puts me at home at night. Currently, Dub Shack BBQ is strictly a catering- and box lunches- type of outfit; I’m just not prepared for a storefront at this time yet each time I’ve taken off from work this year has made my eventual return to the graveyard shift more difficult. Then there is the church and all its obligations; congregants kind of like seeing me regularly even if my work schedule isn’t exactly conducive to having a real participatory role in growth and of course, changing the culture to a more inclusive, Christ-driven and -centered one via divorcing ourselves from the multigenerational pettiness passed down from one to the following a la the Israelites in Moses’s day. In the year since my ordination, there are times when I do feel like I am more of do-gooder than a do-GREATER; combine that with the fluffernutter (the former New Englander in me just came out. Oops) and I’ve had periods of doubt and quietly wondering if entering the diaconate was the right call. More of that in a future post.

We’ll still fight as advocates for premature babies and the developmental schools they need to reach their full potential. After all that our daughter has endured in addition to the friends she’s made, leaving for big school – Collegeville Elementary – in a few years is going to require a serious readjustment on my part. What is certain at this point in my life is that I will NOT return to the classroom in a fulltime, certified capacity because I don’t want to ever want to feel the hopelessness of career burnout again. That I had worked so hard to become in my words ‘a damn good English teacher and molder of minds’ to chunk the deuces toward my undergraduate labor with impunity perhaps showed me that my own happiness should’ve superseded paying the bills once my cushion was comfortable enough for a good night’s sleep instead of thinking I could save the world and sidestep district politics.

All in all, and sorry for the misdirected rants, thank you for reading the Dad Chronicles over the years and keeping up with AD&AD. In the future, there may be a podcast (Aaron, Rickey or Lauren, I’m looking at one of you although anyone with a decent setup who wants to chew the fat online would suffice). Editing days tend to really suck from a blogger’s perspective and somehow, I’m sadistic enough to welcome the challenge of lending my voice and opinions to a different medium.

Y’all stay woke; I’m staying #CaeliStrong!