With my wife’s permission, I have been allowed to intimately
write about our daughter Caeli’s struggles and triumphs as she lay in the NICU
unit growing. There are so many things, however, that are too private to share
with you; those remain within the bond of our marriage. I will continue to blog
along the way, celebrating her achievements along the way and thanking God for
all of what the journey brings.
These posts I am writing are not only for my prayer circle, but also as an aide for the future.
Who is my prayer circle? Let me introduce all of you to each other: our families; my tribe from Henderson and
their spouses; the Mount Zion and Greater Friendship Missionary Baptist church
families; our neighbors; my brothers from high school; and no more than four
people (two I have mentored, one is my wife’s special friend – and a blessing
to both of us, and the other goes back twenty years to junior high)I truly
trust, love, and value.Oh yeah, anyone who knows the power of prayer.
Now I got THAT
out of the way, what can I do besides fret every time Caeli has a down day?
Certainly, writing about it helps, as all of you know. Postpartum groups have
been established for both moms and dads – where in central Arkansas are they? –
for us to share our experiences both good and bad. I have met mostly moms with
preemies, and a pair of dads who do stand out in my memory: a father from my hometown whose wife gave
birth to twins twelve days apart, and another local dad who has stood in the
face of extremely difficult decisions with his child. My heart and prayers
continue to go out to both of their families.
Every day with my daughter is a victory. #CaeliStrong
— A. Cedric Armstrong (@cedteaches) March 13, 2015
Another thing that can be established is a blood drive. One
distinct plus in this is that the blood can not only save the life of our child
but also anyone else who needs a transfusion. In this case, Caeli and I are
both the same blood type meaning that if she needed blood, I could give some of
mine to her as a direct donor [She has her own pint dedicated to her]. What
that means is I would be able to directly give to her; however, my blood would
not be as stringently tested as that of an anonymous donor. The primary risk of
direct donor to patient is infection – why introduce something she would be
unable to handle in her fragile state? Keep in mind the most valuable life
there is not my own, but the child in NICU.
A third way to help preemie dads cope is reading and research.
The fact our angels are in NICU is not our faults, so let’s stop beating
ourselves up over things that were beyond our control. I don’t know about
anyone else, but I do like being able to understand in plain English what the
machines do and doctors and nurses explain to us. I’ve been blessed to have
patient doctors and nurses go over Caeli’s progress, all of whom have heard me
ask seemingly dumb questions over and over. It also helps to have one or two
nurses to keep close contact with, preferably those with a good rapport with
the baby and not around the hospital because it is his or her job. To that
point, shout out to Drs. Simpson and Hall in addition to nurses Lorrie and
Becky for all they do above and beyond for Caeli, and for helping us understand
everything a little bit clearer than what we knew before. Truthfully, everyone
in the Cubby Den rocks!
Ever heard of kangaroo care? Until Caeli was born, neither had
I. Babies do need the benefit and stimulus of touch; studies have shown that
they decrease their heart rates and oxygen consumption and have fewer alarms
when we do kangaroo care. All I have to do is open my shirt and lay her on my
chest with nothing but a diaper. She then gets blankets and voila! Quiet time
with daddy’s little girl! It sure beats sticking my hand into an incubator and
only using one finger to touch her. I await this day anxiously, as her skin is
unprepared for what is out here today. It also means I need to shave my nappy
chest hairs.
Unlike my wife whom is on maternity leave, I have an added
luxury [or curse, depending on the day] of being able to go to work. Those
twelve hours away from home and the hospital are difficult, yet the job serves
as a respite from the troubles of the world. Even those I detest the dead-end role
it has seemingly become, simply being able to come to work has provided a
necessary escape for me. It’s also the place that our family’s health insurance
comes through, so I might as well shut up and push. [Next year I’ll evaluate
that against Obamacare and make the best/most fiscally prudent decision]. I
also have co-workers who are supportive during this different [I won’t say
difficult, for I still believe Philippians 4:13] days ahead and their
accompanying challenges, as the majority of us have children.
I’m sure there are more ways to help preemie dads out that the
ones that are mentioned, as this is nowhere near a complete list. In the coming
days, I am going to have to seek out a daycare facility for our princess that
exceeds her needs as well as not only being affordable. It also has to be able
to provide the necessary one-on-one attention Caeli will need to grow and lead
a full life. By being there and taking helpmeet to another level, our wives –
and baby mamas – are appreciative when we cook meals, wash breast pumping
supplies, help them into our cars, do the laundry, and even attempt to clean
the house. I may not always verbally state my wants, but thank you for your
continued prayers and support along the way in addition to the buddies I can grab
a couple of beers and chat with.
For more information, check out the following links:
Papas of
Preemies
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Preemie
World
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Postpartum
Men
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Postpartum
Dads
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Postpartum
International
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Lotsa
Helping Hands
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March of
Dimes
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Dads of
Preemie Angels
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Prematurity
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Inspire.com
Preemie Support Forum
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Trust me, it’s not easy, but our preemies and families need us.
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