Mother's Day For the Childless Couple

Before you get too angry with me after reading this blog, allow me to explain the title. I’m not bitter by any means for not having any children yet (I still believe God’s Will to manifest itself when the time comes - AND ONLY THEN), but I’m not one to lessen the significance of the day. I am eternally grateful for the women in my family, particularly Grandma Dorothy, my own mom Karen, and mother-in-law Edna for giving the gift of life; without them, there certainly would be no us. I also am blessed to be part of some epically large families and super friends that love on their own children as well as each other. Thanks for being able to carry, nurture, parent, and give unconditional love even if those kids are getting on your final nerves, they still run to Mom as that superhero who fixes boo-boos and dinner alike.

My current beef with Mother’s Day is not the overzealous commercialization of the second Sunday in May, rather the manner in with it subjugates childless couples as lesser than those with children. Some of us are unintentionally reminded of that struggle with questions such as “what’s wrong?” “Ya shootin’ blanks?” When are y’all gonna start having kids?” “What are you waiting for?” and so forth. Admittedly, it is one area where we can stand to have a bit more faith in God’s program. People have even asked us about adoption – it’s great and all, I’m sure – but even that has become an industry within itself; I’d really rather go it the old-fashioned way. All I can do is trust God, for He knows what is best for Chastity and me.

In the Bible, stories of childless couples being rewarded in old age with healthy babies aim to encourage me except when they do not. Nothing against Sarah and Abraham and Zechariah and Elizabeth, but I want to be able to play with my child without having to stop every few minutes to catch my breath or pick him or her up without my back reminding me days later. I don’t want to burden then with having to care for elderly parents just as they start finding themselves as fully functioning adults either. But maybe this is my selfish desire. All I wanted to do was be prepared and able to provide a loving, stable home for my family and give my children every opportunity to succeed – note I did not say every pair of Air Jordan sneakers ever, nor a brand new car at sixteen or any of the extensive materialistic things out there. Again, my faith falls short because this is not how it is supposed to be – happily married in our mid-thirties and struggling to have our own family.

While people fawn over their own mothers – and I would do the same if I did not have to work this weekend – Mother’s Day becomes that day of frustration. Instead of the day keeping its original intent of showing our mothers/wives/sisters/grandmothers appreciation for carrying and giving birth to all of us, it has become a bit of a money grab. The radio is going to play 2Pac’s Dear Mama and Boyz II Men’s A Song For Mama all day long, and the floral industry will make a sizable chunk of profit. A few years ago, we decided that Mother’s Day would also become Punkin Day as a result of the isolation and unintended subjugation of being childless by well-meaning family members and friends. I would mail out Mother’s Day cards earlier in the week, make the obligatory phone calls on that day, and if I were fortunate enough to have the day off, go do something for her such as lunch at a good Japanese steakhouse and pedicure all in another day to display my love for Chastity my wife and best friend.

Sidebar: Punkin is my wife Chastity's nickname.

I recently posted an article on my Twitter page (@cedteaches) about the ten things you should NEVER say to childless friends, and this is the link. http://glo.msn.com/relationships/10-things-never-to-say-to-childless-friends-1534684.story 

Warning: The next time anyone dares to ask why we do not have children yet, I’m giving out knuckle sandwiches.