The Day of Zero

There comes a day in all of our lives when we feel like we’ve reached the apex a while back and it all goes downhill from there or perhaps because we are fed up with current circumstances, many of which we do have some control over.  For people like me, the number zero represents an emptiness, a la nothingness while for others it symbolizes a finite, very black-and-white conclusion [hence:  zero-sum, as we use it in political debates or the rules of war]. However, the number zero can be an emotionally – and professionally – dangerous one; once upon a time, we were viewed as heroes. Now that we are zeroes, our emotions can bring us from complete nonchalance to becoming broken men and women with a violent bent. Trust me, I am no psychologist; I just happen to be a man well-versed in the number zero.

As I write this blog, keep in mind that I give absolutely zero fucks about what most people think of my words. Since I do need to provide for a household of three, I have to compartmentalize said feelings and truck along looking like a good team player. Even I have to admit that AD&AD will unlikely ever become a full-time day gig with real paying benefits, yet as I creep to Year 40, I am cognizant of where the journey has taken me in addition to the effects of good or bad decisions in the past.

What does the day of zero look like?

Beyond the proverbial zero fucks given, the day of zero (for me – others may have varying sentiments) is the price of being underappreciated, overworked and underpaid, isolated, closing opportunities, and generally fed up with current circumstances. This raises the priority color code from white to red, and perhaps even black depending on the urgency of the matter.

Have I experienced the day of zero? Of course!  How well do you know me?

I have to guess that my last serious day of zero began nearly three months ago in a rather odd fashion:  I achieved the near-impossible at my job and its reward seemed more Eff You than something worth being congratulated for. Because a few associates read this and my tweets, I’d best keep my mouth shut for the price of an unexpected termination is not one I can handle at this time. Am I that lousy of an interview?

I officially give zero fucks about this job AND the next thing I hand management will likely be my two weeks’ notice.

As a younger man, the concept of zero was only limited to the numeral in binary terms [the numbers 0 and 1mattered more to me back then] and what the dating pool looked like in a small southern college town on Friday and Saturday nights for nerdy guys without cars. Back then, I was also able to play a ton of basketball to mitigate the social sting of zero at the on-campus gym or simply lace up the Air Max running shoes to hit the nature trail in town for a spirited jog.

Over time, the concept of zero expanded to being heartbroken (see slutty ex-fiancé, underemployed (string of crappy jobs), and with an empty bank account from said crappy jobs and bad twentysomething decisions made on paydays and the ensuing weekends. Today I still have to deal with two of the three [I’m very happily married these days with an angelic daughter, so the heartbroken part was one I had to learn how to work through. Thankfully my wise wife loves me enough to put up with my idiosyncrasies and not show me the exit door on the left] but I’m not as broke as I used to be but I’m still poor. The mortgage, car payments, monthly utilities, and other adult stuff tend to get in the way of riotous living even as grown-up Christmas [tax refund day] comes and goes. I guess we’ll ball out next year.

The day of zero hasn’t been all for naught, though.

I live in a manner that your opinions of me do not matter anymore and I have the late father of one of my greatest childhood friends to thank for that. Even as my own dad acknowledged how much of a latecomer I was at twenty-four, it was only the concept of zero coming full circle – it was hard to live and figure out life when it seemed like the whole world had a pull on my ear and wallet, particularly as payday neared.

Although I was the first of my college friends with a grown-up job that required looking more Ralph Lauren than disheveled party animal, I was wise enough to know that the day of zero would eventually come:  mine came in the form of a pink slip and an empty box to clear out my cubicle by 10:30 am on a Monday morning. Legend has it that I was unemployed for six months thanks to the aggressive way I saved money before even considering another role and even then, it was my decision where to work. Still, that was not without feeling the effect of the zero-sum game:  Most of those fake friends who loved me around my paydays scattered quicker than cockroaches onto a Twinkie the instant they found out I had been let go from the plant.

Furthermore, the day of zero would be incomplete without discussing the zero-sum. This idea is the very ideology that everything is in black-and-white that also defines winners and losers not based solely on decisions, good or bad luck but also where a person is born and what statuses his or her family possesses in a community. In our political system, winners and losers are defined by how much money people have acquired; being born in the “lucky” sperm and egg club with good health, a sound mind, a privileged background that allowed private education versus those long bus rides into town for the public schools and no difficulties to mention; and the luxury of being able to make informed decisions in a world where survival is paramount. This brand of living leads to a homogenous mentality that fears anything different quickly denigrating it as “other,” as evidenced in the Black Lives Matter and LGBT movements, among others.

Zero-sum only works in wartime and other kill-or-be-killed circumstances. In America, zero-sum in the inner cities leads to dirt cheap property which in turn becomes gentrification. Watch this scene from Boyz N Da Hood if you disagree.

It's called gentrification https://t.co/EPXX1C1oR5

Classic scene from Boyz N Da Hood

— A. Cedric Armstrong (@cedteaches) April 7, 2016

For those of you who are quick to point out the black-on-black crime in Chicago, New Orleans or D.C., I challenge you to visit the South Side, Ninth Ward or Anacostia and see where small-town judgmentalism takes you with your zero-sum mentality. Those ‘hoods at one point were more battle-tested than anything in Iraq or what the media shows in Israel. Years of bad governmental policies by both parties coupled with an outright prejudice of the lesser affluent or racial minorities have led to these sordid environments of today. I also hate to break it to you, but the hour of reckoning is coming.

The day of zero is coming to grips with the things that may have defeated us in the past or at the very least, been bothersome to the point of becoming a burden and giving it a huge Eff You because it no longer matters.