My Dorky Ways

I knew I'll never win a cool guy contest, so I decided to cede that one to everyone else. Two of my high school buddies lamented that fact and it hit really close to home since we did hang out and have remained good friends since kindergarten. It turns out we've done pretty okay, I guess with wives, kids, homes, solid jobs, and overall being productive members of citizens. Certainly it hasn't been easy maintaining contact over the years and to an extent, we've faded away like a Jordan jumper, but they were my first set of brothers aside from my own flesh and blood sibling. The irony here is that he was way cooler than I was - or ever planned to be.

This post is about my ways and eccentric mannerisms, not theirs. I admit I was a pretty lousy athlete outside of the ridiculous vertical leap. At 5'9", I was dunking basketballs. You've heard the saying "throw it up and I'll go get it?" That was me when I wasn't being a rebounding machine or swatting layups to Kingdom come; trouble is those opportunities were far and few in between. Along with being uncoordinated, I was worthless in any other sport which involved catching a ball. I'll cheer all day long for the Red Sox and Patriots, but I never played a competitive down of football nor could signal off a fly ball. My contributions, alas, were more statistical and effort. An intramural referee remarked after one of our games that he had never seen a guy so over matched give so much heart. I guess it was my desire to prove people wrong about me.

Another sign of those ways has been my choices. Who would've thought swapping a bird class for a more challenging course in high school would cement my legend as a dork? At the time, all I wanted to do was show college admissions people that I could balance a heavy class load and part time job without breaking. It turned out that I was accepted into all of my collegiate choices: Tennessee, Arkansas, Central Arkansas, University of the Ozarks, Ouachita Baptist, and my beloved Henderson State. Interestingly, that same blueprint had me writing code and what became four years of Wal-Mart. I honestly didn't consider becoming a teacher until I lost my first job out of school as a scheduler for a large employer back home. It was then - and after God woke me up at 3:08 am one March 2004 morning that I even thought about life as an educator.

It may seem like I'm running from my calling, but after eight years of it, I was simply burned-out. One of my key failings in retrospect was I was more of a SME [subject matter expert] than a high school English teacher; the youthful looks, charisma, and open classroom management style did little to allay that cause. I've always chosen the more difficult route, and while it has bitten me financially occasionally, it has not only proven dorkiness but also presented varying opportunities I would have likely avoided. Maybe it's a twisted sense of leadership abilities - obviously, I'd rather lead by example than be a rah-rah type - but stepping out of own way and not pushing a firm, logical template toward success would have served me better. In short, my social deficiencies have been offset by a zeal of knowledge and legendary work ethic. Remember my signature line 100% Grind? That phrase embodied who I was and what I became as a result.

After 35 years and a number of mishaps, it's safe to say I am finally comfortable in my own skin. I enjoy fantasy novels, Five Finger Death Punch, and have a strange affinity for number along with being a lifelong underdog, and if that makes me a dork, then by golly, I am! My wife chides me for being so nerdy, so geeky at times, but if she only knew...

Below is a small list of other measures of dorkiness:

• I skipped my junior prom in high school in favor of work because my three-on-three tournament team didn't play. I also couldn't buy a date even if I paid her to go with me.
• My homecoming date Jennifer only said yes during the third quarter of the football game, likely out of pity.
• I was a guru on the original 8-bit Nintendo who figured out a way to beat most games I either purchased or rented. Tragically, there is a Play Station 2 in the spare bedroom collecting dust.
• The opposite sex is actually a fairly recent discovery for me. As a result, a lot of people (mostly black people) thought I was gay.
• I almost always calculate and average miles per gallon in every vehicle I drive and fill up. I've been doing this since '96, so it's just habit and before good mpgs were in vogue. 
• I received my first car after my sophomore year at Henderson and did all of the audio installation myself! That was all Rockford Fosgate: the rare head unit, replacing the 4" and 6 x 9" speakers, adding a Punch Power amplifier with two 12" subwoofers and stronger alternator to power the entire system. After receiving Arkadelphia's third disturbing the peace ticket (September 1999), I quickly learned to keep the bass down. 
• My forays into following trends were usually met with jeers. Ask me about my cornrows or blonde hair. 
• I can't dance. I have no rhythm. Don't ask.
• When discussing subject matter, I tend to become overzealous with sharing knowledge to the point I have shamed the "expert." In other words, I am more of a walking dictionary than I care to admit but I'm sure y'all know that. 
• I wear "smartest guy in the room" as a badge of honor. Maybe this is why I tend to gravitate to the other smart guys - and intimidate interviewers inadvertently. 
• My passions seem to become borderline obsessions, then they flame out.
• I've managed to injure myself in nearly every way possible yet I have broken only my left baby toe. From concussions to having stitches in both hands, it's a blessing that I am a lot tougher than I look. 
• I thoroughly enjoy science tours. Museums, breweries, and even the interactive ones bring out my inner child. I am also the same person who analyzed bike tricks via ramp by angle in-air and off the ramp as well as bike speed. I did pull a perfect 90 degree angle in the 80s - all before Tony Hawk became mainstream!
• Wearing the red Urkel glasses has made me a lot tougher amid the constant barbs over two years in junior high. There were weeks when I didn't want to go to school as an indirect result; being smaller and intellectually superior than almost everyone else did little to help this cause. What it did was influence my decision to leave town.
• I am always trying out new things and improving what has worked before. From creating the company's training guide to setting up a departmental schedule for a previous employer, my pursuit of perfection knows few bounds. 

All in all, my dorkiness has allowed me to pursue happiness freely now that I realized the benefits of not following the norms set before me. That courage to embrace being a nerd not only pays the bills, but it also provides a sense of satisfaction one receives from having the right answer, steering a debate, and yes, even being appreciated. I make no apologies for who I am today due to my experiences although I am definitely grateful for learning how to read people. Many of you laughed at me; raped my wallet and generosity; picked me last in basketball; the ladies gave me incorrect phone numbers - on more than one occasion, I was given the local time and temperature digits - yet I never had a cross word for you people. I haven't really changed; I'm still the same knucklehead from the little white house in the curve.