adrian vs. cedric

grab a ringside seat
tickets are free .99, silly, for the wildest walmart has to offer
hope they got their gloves
(and it may even go twelve rounds)
these two heavyweights duke it out for ducats and dinner rolls:
yes, bitches, it's adrian vs cedric
someone's getting paid - maybe full.

is this nigga bipolar?

as the opening bell sounds, the ever-observant adrian watches cedric swagger drunkenly
beads of pabst blue ribbon pooling from his forehead toward the tarmac
belting out rick james one-lines
"what did the hand say to the face? s-lap!"
expecting a very short fight circa mike tyson 1986.
debauchery must continue; ima whoop dis nerd an' git me some pussy from hoes ova there.
so what if im drunk?
adrian ain't nobody.
unfortunately for cedric, adrian didn't plan on being a speed bump to the top.
at least not today.
adrian's first jab stings cedric, who realizes oh shit! i need to fight - he ain't fuckin' around.
another right and a pair of left handed uppercuts to the face leave him staggering for a corner.
all mouth, no action; adrian is set to thrash cedric in short work.
hours of analyzing film
             studying technique
             learning to leave the extra dinner roll in the ryan's bread basket behind
             abstaining from apathy and compromise
             all seem to be paying off.
adrian's efficiency has him dominating the scorecards and winning the admiration of his peers.
for cedric, the first round mercifully ends slumped over, red bar stool matching all that blood.
will this thing be called?

you've got to be kidding.
i'm gettin' my ass beat by a fat, four-eyed freak?!!
this can't be happening.

round two begins, much to the chagrin of cedric's handlers.
they wanted to call the fight, tuck tail, and go home.
them niggas don't know me, he thinks.
cedric signals to the referee, imploring to continue battle with adrian.
adrian sees a wounded man opposite the ring and sharpens his eye to finish him.
a bit of complacency must have set in, a face virtually untouched save a graze midway round one begins to grin.

the two combatants arise, and like a barrel of crabs trying to escape their own evil clutches
they grip closely to each other
adrian racking cedric's aching ribs,
and cedric swinging wildly at air.
this looks (and has been too one-sided); an adrian victory is imminent.
suddenly, cedric takes a step backward
                draws a right jab
                and POW! breaks adrian's nose at the bridge.
blood begins to gush, kilmanjaro-esque
and the collected, efficient demeanor is shattered just like that.
could this be one of the greatest upsets ever?
people have counted cedric out for years
                 considered a flyweight
                 a nobody amongst somebodies
                 some caricature to laugh at and shelve in the far reaches of memory
but now, he could GO! ALL! THE! WAY! and rewrite history.
but first...
temporarily blinded from the broken nose, adrian swerves toward his corner,
navy blue stool which previously served as a holding cell for lemon-lime gatorade.
the blood isn't stopping, nor is it slowing down
the damn emt needs to to fix this yesterday
yes, i'm talking to you!
this epic may very well determine my legacy
and if i am handled with kid gloves, there goes the hall of fame.
the game needs me!
never a quitter, adrian returns to the ring albeit with blurred vision.
fifteen seconds later, the round ends with so much a whimper.

rounds three through twelve proceed quickly;
both adrian and cedric see tarmac twice in the eighth and tenth.
neither man wants to wave the white flag for surrender
for both fear cowardice and the accompanying ridicule.
the head judge, amidst booing and jeering, declares a draw.
empty miller bottles and roses with confetti shards litter this box,
and as the two depart...
they morph into one.
ME.

for those who didn't understand, here it is:
adrian is my perfectionist side, seeking both knowledge and efficiency.
cedric simply happens to be my sorta childish, fun-at-all-costs side.
am i bipolar? i don't think so, but there are at least two women who would happily say so.
i am striving to find a work-life balance
(no fun with work-work balance)
and looking for a better job around here.
but nap time is here
cedric needs to be put down (what about hansel & gretel?)
so smile, laugh, and play a lot
keep your hands off of my daddy red dax wave cap can
use protection if you don't want to pay 'pote later
and see you in dreamland
bye bye
love peace and soouuullll!!!!!

you still here? deuces!