Friday, November 25, 2016

About Last Week...

About last week…it was much-needed and appreciated rest.

What else did you expect me to say?

Everyone has seen the pictures I was compelled to share, and if you’re looking for nighttime photos beyond what was found at the Sun King Steakhouse or the super moon from last Monday, you’re out of luck because I didn’t take any. It wasn’t because I had to hide the hedonism – just I was too busy having a freaking blast to stop and take pictures of everyone and everything!

This could easily become a story about a father and his son finally slowing down and getting away for a few days to bond and renew a friendship beyond pop and his firstborn, but there is more – and that began Sunday afternoon once I finally found my way out of the bed post-exhaustion.

I could humor you of the wasted newlyweds who danced all over the deck next to our chairs behind the DJ and ended up in Carnival jail [really, it’s a drunk tank] only to repeat cycle.

I could also tell you of the incredibly attractive woman I met who really stimulated my mind (and heart) for one week and made me appreciate my own marriage more than just being the dude payin’ bills or Daddy Bear to that precocious one-year-old not to mention she helped find my own value/swagger in this thing we call life in the midst of a mundane existence. Although the very thought of spending one more week with her did cross my mind, that pull of coming home was thankfully stronger:  I really missed my wife and daughter.


I could also share the tales of waking up at 2 am to walk across the ship to the 24-hour pizza joint and for a Miller Lite as I engaged an unknown number of fellow travelers in varying conversations and listening to their life stories. Because I’ve evolved into quite the night owl, I also enjoyed the relatively quiet moments during which I could talk with God and be amazed by His creation.

I could mention that with the exception of my dad (great fill-in for Chastity) this was a getaway for some of the leadership team at our church. Just as a reminder, Christian folks aren’t stiff folks, you know.

I could lastly regale the babies about the heavily intoxicated young women in Cozumel who decided to get their feet done at the beach via fish therapy and the ensuing arguments on the bus ride back to the plaza. The free margaritas at the port did not exactly help their cause regardless of how tasty they were.

About last week…let’s say I had a heck of a time.


Fair enough?

Friday, November 11, 2016

Livin’ the Dream

Two years ago, we began the journey of adding one plus two to equal three.

Last year, Baby Bear (my nickname for Caeli – to the rest of y’all, she’s Caeli-bug or Li-Li) began multiple therapies with our now-good friends at Kidsource to catch up and in some cases, get ahead of her testing age.

Today, she’s finding herself into some of everything – digging through boxes on the floor, opening kitchen cabinets that we never baby proofed, climbing on the night stand and ottoman, and otherwise being more adorable every day even when she doesn’t care for bedtime.

It’s pretty safe to say I’m livin’ the dream as Caeli Elise’s daddy.


A few of you may need to come down to the Dub Shack to be witnesses to the family dance-offs every other Saturday afternoon in the kitchen (Hint:  my kid has way more rhythm in her pinky finger than I ever will in my entire stiff body – thank God her mommy has moves) or wait for one of us to share videos of us singing in the cars.

It seemed like a dream when the Lord brought us back to the city of Zion. 
 Psalms 126:1

When the Lord brought Israel out of bondage in Babylon after a period of around seventy years, the people were exceedingly overjoyed at going back to Jerusalem. Not only were they on their way home, but also King Cyrus financed their return journey by sponsoring and encouraging it! Never had there been a moment like it in history and in all likelihood, it will never repeat itself again. Imagine if the President-elect actually followed through on deporting legally-born and/or naturalized citizens (which I pray he is never that cruel, but the rhetoric is a different story and the nationalists out there are craving blood. Enough of the political thought – this is supposed to be a happy post) and funded their safe travels to their homelands.

Coming home to Bryant whole was a dream come true, let me tell you.
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As a NICU dad, those 146 days of having to visit Caeli in her incubator only to leave at the end of each day and once July 20, 2015 rolled around on the calendar, tears streamed down my eyes as my wife and I latched in the car seat for the very first time to complete our family. She has had one hospitalization (croup, double ear infection) since and has been a dream child through it all largely remaining healthy outside of the common cold. Her resolve is legendary at 21 months of age; God gave us a special child to be great in a world that is merely okay with being good. In addition to the climbing and running, Caeli is a good communicator for her age who loves to read and be read to. She’s not just strong:  She is #CAELISTRONG.

Prematurity Awareness Day is November 17 – take a moment to remember all of the little angels who spent their entire short lives in the NICU as well as those who have had complications that eventually brought them back to the PICU.

We rock that purple because of the twins born eleven days apart.

We sport that purple because of Caeli’s first friend Freeman and in his eternal rest, share his legacy in Helena once the playground opens.

We stunt on ‘em in purple because of our little graduates (and bigger ones) have already been amazing in words and feelings beyond our vocabularies.

Thanks to all of the parents we’ve befriended along the journey – Diana and Julio; Misty and Will; Shay’s niece (born two hours after Caeli) and her family in Stuttgart; the Estes family from Vilonia; Nytalya and James; primary nurses Lorrie and Emily; the support groups at both UAMS and Arkansas Children’s Hospital; our church and neighbors in Springhill Manor; and everyone who had a prayer, gift card for food or gas, a kind word, or encouragement via text, message, phone call, read, shared, and commented on the Dad Chronicles or stopping by my office at work to relate their own stories.


Together, we wear purple to observe the day our babies got an early head start on life and the commonalities we share for the rest of our lives by livin’ the dream of parenthood. 

Thursday, November 10, 2016

We Gon’ Be All Right. Just See.



Tuesday night, the United States of America decided that Donald Trump would be a better President than Hillary Clinton so they came out in droves and voted for him. Although he lost the popular vote, his brand of populism was enough to lay the smack down on the Electoral College; who would have thought the Rust Belt would have been the difference?

You know the South would be the first to vote against everything the sitting black POTUS has represented over the last eight years, so don’t come for me with “I thought you were the peace and unity guy. Stick with writing or your ministry.” You’ve sent monkey memes, slandered President Obama from Day One, and you are now asking me to pray for Trump?


Black Christians have always been the conscience of America. Obviously, not enough people listened to their spirit of discernment in the voting booths as I can tell.

I also don’t want white evangelicals to ever come to me again with voting their values when they so strongly chose both their outwardly secular skin folk over their spiritual folk, dismiss #BlackLivesMatter at every corner, and otherwise have no intention of being much more than religious sitting in your cushy pews and getting to the local buffet after a 70 minute service than doing God’s Will away from the church’s four walls. You Pharisees deserve this America.


So praying for Brother Barack to fail is what you wanted? That didn’t happen.  
Thanks, racists – even if you never said it, your actions clearly have implied it.


Martin got angry. Malcolm was furious. The Black Panthers DID something about it – and the FBI got involved because law enforcement cannot stand African-Americans with textbook knowledge of the law when we have had to defend ourselves against the wiles of prejudice, principalities, and a spiritual wickedness in high places all in one. Don’t let the media fool you into thinking the Panthers were only militant brothers with big afros and guns when they were the birthers of WIC. Read the Ten Points to understand the true intentions of the BPP.

We’re gonna be all right. Just wait and see.

Why do I say we’re gonna be all right? Keep reading.

We survived Dubya. My parents outlasted Reagan. My grandparents endured through Coolidge and Harding. My great-grandparents made it through Wilson and his public viewing of Birth of a Nation at the White House. My older ancestors got through the raw deal Hayes gave us post-Reconstruction which led to Jim Crow segregation.

If no one else knows how to survive in a place where we do not belong, it is the black family.
My family 

After I dropped my daughter off at her grandparents’ house yesterday morning, I listened to a few videos and thought about what a few friends have said:  Shay reminded me that I had made myself vulnerable when I took off my armor in anger; Charlie (college buddy from the tribe) was legitimately hurt by my comment about my fellow Arkansans; and so forth. One huge takeaway from this is that despite my pro-black furor [which I do not apologize for, only the foul language] I still have a pretty freaking large platform that people look up to and respect because of how I live my life and lead my little family. I got to thinking:  Real change happens first at home – the ultimate ground level – and expands with likeminded people who are genuinely interested in the come-up. That means separating ourselves who are more interested in the short-term gains and playing Sambo even if they are our closest friends/relatives/associates.

You know who’s not invited to the cookout? Omarosa.

We have to be better at building up our own communities than we have been as in revising our strategies so we are no longer dismissed and/or taken for granted like the 2016 election season has showed us. The Republicans clearly don’t give a rat’s ass about us, and the Democrats think patronizing still works. The old ways of currying favor and leadership are out of fashion, just like your bleached out Guess jeans in the back of your closets.


How do we become better at building our communities?

Simple:  by investing our time, energy, education, and yes, dollars into our people.

In a global economy, we must teach the Millennials and ensuing generations that we no longer have to compete with Jim Bob or Becky Sue alone for opportunities but also Taj, Vicente, and Yi are coming for our spots:  Nothing is guaranteed anymore, not even NBA draft slots. Having the foresight to do more will serve them better than being able to step flawlessly or spit sixteen hot bars. More importantly, those of us who have made a move or two have a responsibility to duplicate our strengths as leaders instead of hoarding all of the wealth between the ears.

The world needs engineers and scientists but it also requires teachers and writers to balance out the equilibrium.

We’re gonna be all right. Just wait and see.

The whitelash is real – and for the first time in a generation or two, we’re witnesses to the pain black America suffers through. Most of my white conservative friends tend to say “let bygones be bygones” or “that was a long time ago” yet they benefit from things that happened A LONG TIME AGO. Case in point:  redlining; tax-free inheritances from multiple generations; schools resegregating themselves to the extent that white flight did and does happen; lending practices; business and political relationships; medical treatment; and hiring. Let’s not forget that as neighborhoods and cities die, the remaining taxpayers already burdened by a heavy load must shoulder the load thanks to underemployment and the powers that be escaping to a lower tax rate yet they leave one thing.

Despair.

When despair begets crime, and with crime comes a broken legal system hell bent on making examples of black and brown offenders while offering white lawbreakers counseling, rehab or a work-release program instead of the same prisons the state normally would have sent away inmates. Instead of Angola, some people get Club Fed for the same crimes. 


Where I am hurt with whitelash is finding out some of my so-called friends betrayed me by choosing a leader who represents nothing about America’s promise rather than her sordid reality. I am not leaving this country that MY ancestors built on their backs and gave their blood, sweat, tears, and their very own lives for free .99 – they’ve got to deal with me. However, I do see those true colors.


We’ve been through this before:  We’re gonna be all right. Just wait and see.

What this recalibration means is that we need to tighten up the areas where we are deficient, and for the rest of us, it is a reminder that we still have a long way to overcome. I don’t have all of the answers, but I do know that by sticking together we can come out of the new reality stronger and a bigger force to be reckoned with. Sure, we’re probably going to lose friends and perhaps a job or two but…standing up for the right thing requires a sacrifice, right?


If Jesus is for us, then who is against us?

We’re gonna be all right. Just wait and see.





Monday, October 10, 2016

Lose Yourself

Normally I would have simply left a link behind for all of you to read, but this time around, I am sharing 50 simple yet powerful habits to leave your legacy the way you want it instead of having to lie about it later.

1.     Give your undivided attention.
2.     Be a problem solver.
3.     Remember people’s names.
4.     Ask “How can I help?”
5.     Set high standards.
6.     Make your contribution greater than your reward.
7.     Lead with integrity no matter how much it costs.
8.     Smile.
9.     Compliment the person within the first 30 seconds of the conversation.
10.  Make people feel good about themselves.
11.   Listen silently – and put away the smartphone!
12.   Make eye contact.
13.  Show respect.
14.  Share the credit.
15. Talk with people, not at them.
16.   Send it.
17.  Dream big for others.
18.  Stay away from toxicity.
19.  Don’t hesitate.
20.  Keep a positive attitude.
21.  Celebrate special occasions.
22.  Help people focus on their strengths, not their weaknesses.
23.   Send handwritten notes.
24.   Give without being asked.
25.  Always bring something to the table.
26.  Give people your trust.
27.   Communicate appropriately.
28.  Highlight what may be overlooked.
29.  Make meaningful connections.
30.  Be on time.
31.  Go the extra mile.
32.  Be a sounding board.
33.  Give someone a special task and watch the person accomplish it.
34.  Express deep appreciation for the ways people add value to your life.
35.  Renew confidence.
36.  Treat people the way you want to be treated.
37.  Be sincere in your sincerity.
38.   Pay it forward.
39.  Offer constructive feedback.
40.  Delegate.
41.   Catch people doing right.
42.  Invite people to become part of a cause that is greater than they are.
43.  Don’t keep score.
44.  Make it win-win.
45.  Don’t let people down.
46.  Bring your best.
47.  Meet people halfway.
48.  Add value constantly.
49.  Start a movement.
50.  Live every day like it was your last.

Imagine what our lives would be like if we adhere to the maxims above even if we are only to perform one deed on this list daily. Keep in mind that none of these habits cost any money whatsoever instead an investment to become our best selves.




Tuesday, October 4, 2016

I’m a Christian. I’m Also Conscious. How Is That an Oxymoron?

I recently scrolled through Facebook – why I even bother with that app some days is beyond me, perhaps because I couldn’t sleep – to see what a connection shared to his page. I normally agree with his statuses by clicking “Like”, but this one I couldn’t quite endorse. The image posted stated that Christians could not be conscious, which I disagreed with yet failed to explain my stance. It stewed in my brain for several days until I finally got around to doing a bit of research both within the Bible and secular sources for a more universal understanding regarding how I needed to formulate my opinion. Was this one a bit above a pay grade? Possibly so, yet I still wanted to know where the contradictions lie if there any could be found.

I am a Christian. I am also conscious. How are the two descriptors contradictory, and how do the twain align? Let’s examine all angles before formulating opinions.
Image result for conscious christian
Can an individual be conscious and Christian? Keep reading to find out. 
Early Christians – as in the days of Paul – were aware of the persecution and risks associated with proclaiming themselves followers of Jesus Christ, and those penalties often included jail time and death! Consider the Holy Roman Empire spread far, deep, and wide throughout the Mediterranean region as well as the Middle East, North Africa, and into Europe:  paganism rued the day as did the often unfair taxation of the Jews. Certainly in those days, Christianity was quite revolutionary as it was an upstart religion in comparison to Judaism and polytheism of the period both of which had already existed for hundreds of years. Once we recall Jesus tarrying around the earth for 33 years before His death, resurrection, and ascension forty days later, we also become cognizant to His living example of “staying woke.” While the Jews sought a muscular king to flex earthly dominance, Jesus came meekly, preached a message of love, cited the hypocrisies of following mere religion, and otherwise established a movement so powerful that it is the example for all of our battles against the powers that be, tradition, and the ingrained systemic inequalities of the world.

If that was the case, then how are so many of us asleep today?   

Simple:  complacency.

When one or two of us “make it out”, we tend to pick up the stones that were set for us by our ancestors, mentors, and others who saw a genuine interest in our advancement and start living as if we never had to persevere against all odds or become judgmental toward the current and next generation of young brothers and sisters learning their way.

We hate our oppressors during bondage, and once we get free, we act just like them. No one wins.

Being woke in my own blackness is a struggle daily, particularly as I continue studying my own Bible to understand more of the mysterious faith God is leading me to cling to firmly and how it relates in a period which my own being can be seen as dangerous to some and a blessing to others. Given the social and political climates the United States of America is currently experiencing – or repeating due to failed lessons and intentional whitewashing of history [see: Shelby v. Holder, Jim or Jane Crow, enslavement, redlining, police brutality, etc.], how can I maintain a balance of the two?

Why do so many churches in our communities espouse a #AllLivesMatter ideology when the larger populace dismisses our calls of accountability within a system slanted against us in the first place?

Don’t tell me I need to dress better. I’ve been knocked over in Applebee’s wearing an oxford shirt and tie by a customer who conveniently didn’t see me on her way to the exit.  

Don’t tell me about being compliant when Conway PD pulled guns out on me nearly twenty years ago over a basic traffic stop.

Don’t tell me about needing to speak articulately and stopping there when I have real experiences as a career professional yet all you see is the skin and try to marginalize what I bring to the table and view me as overqualified for having to accept lesser roles and pay to provide for my family.

Don’t tell me that my zip code determines my daughter’s educational opportunities. Currently our neighborhood is zoned for one of the top ten elementary schools in the state, and the second choice is also a top-20 program. If she ends up anywhere else, that becomes a real cause of concern; ditto for what she is taught anywhere.

Against all odds and a burgeoning underbelly of hatred, I do believe God values our black lives as much as any other lives – I’ve noted the parallels of the Israelites from the days of Joseph to that of the black experience here in the US of A in 2016. [Keep in mind I am not making any mention of the modern-day Israel state established in 1948. In my opinion it is a right-wing state propped up by our government that embraced open discrimination toward Palestinians due to the Jews who escaped Hitler’s Germany during the Holocaust only to practice overt segregation. The nation with the second-strongest military should be able to take care of itself instead of instigating conflict only to run to America like a child who was caught with his hand inside of the cookie jar. I won’t speak any more of that stance until I see otherwise.]


I know being a radical seems to be the “it-thing” to be these days, but what if I told you Jesus was the ultimate radical? For Christians, God is our leader and Jesus is the standard bearer as His Son. He came and saw a world rife with sin and His program was to inspire it with His spiritual redemption – the promise of eternal life. Once you read Revelation and acknowledge the sanctimonious paintings of Jesus are not reflective of His description [he is not White – hate to burst the bubble of white supremacy, but I need to], it presents another round of questions not limited to the following:

1.      Why was religion used to keep my people compliant?
2.      How can we rectify the psychological impact of our own self-hatred if this brand of religion was so ingrained by our oppressors as we lost our lands, identities, and eventually lives?
3.      What kind of person would be so heartless to commercialize Christianity as a means to fool other people for his own earthly gain?
4.       When did it become acceptable for Christians to become complacent and pass such cutting judgment? Yes, I’m talking not only to the #AllLivesMatter crowd but also those who live in a manner where God is treated like a sugar daddy or expect a sugary message every Sunday from the pastor.
5.      As Jesus was labeled a radical by the Pharisees and Sadducees of the period how do our “asleep” friends, family members, neighbors, coworkers, associates, etc. view us when we go against the grain in Kingdom building to become more like Him than ourselves and those we see on television, social media, or hear on radio? What are their true views of #BlackLivesMatter?

Jesus was truly radical. Who else could knock over the moneychangers’ table in the Temple as a rebuke to the house of worship becoming a profit center? Instead of what we tell people to do today [“come to this or that church event”], He went to the people where they were! Imagine what would happen today if we actually did go to the people drowning themselves nightly in bars or watching internet porn as a fantasy to escape a humdrum marriage or act more of a welcoming community than the insular ones we live in where we risk nothing by assimilation.


Being conscious is ultimately being radical. Period, point-blank.
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My faith and consciousness are intertwined:  God will cover me, my wife, and my child through whatever storms we face – and He also gave us the good sense to exercise discernment in all we do to find clarity of it all. It does not mean run to the mess and wallow in it but to be fully aware that preparation for the inevitable spiritual warfare is paramount to our survival. During much of my own childhood, the morning routine included reading (and memorizing) Ephesians 6:10-17 to be prepared for whatever may happen once we stepped out of the comforts of home onto the school bus and on our way to junior high and high school. That “getting dressed” went beyond the Levi’s jeans and Tommy Hilfiger or Nautica polo shirts that were so in vogue in our day; it was essentially a buffer for the taunts on the bus and in the hallways as well as having to exceed academic (and meager social) expectations in some cases.

Contrary to popular belief that was so whitewashed by the mainstream, Brother Martin was conscious. He understood how technology could be used to advance the cause for equality and the manner of how his message could reach the nonchalant to force it as a legitimate concern. Think about his speeches after 1963. He was centered on liberation for his people albeit in a nonviolent method all along.

For my Hotep and Pan-Afrikan brothers and sisters, we do have to survive in a larger world which we are not necessarily wanted as our cultural assets are constantly capitulated and thrown away quicker than yesterday’s newspapers. Keep your heads up and Godspeed in your quests for understanding – consider the fact there are fellow Christians who are awakening from a slumber induced by consumerism, a false sense of comfort, and being on the “right side” of the proverbial tracks.

I am a practicing Christian. I am also a conscious black man who is learning more every day as the awakening continues. Therefore, it is possible to be both a Christian and conscious even as the #StayWoke hash tags pop up all over the Twitterverse – and I hope I proved no oxymoron in the twain.