Saturday, April 4, 2020

Coronacation 2020

I haven’t drank Corona in a while.

Two weeks ago began some real adjustments, but mostly vacationing from one room to the next with a five-year-old and a spouse who suddenly began working from home. Unfortunately for me, this is the way I spent my PTO away from work; God has a way of changing plans and well-intentioned desires. Did we get to go to the Mid-America Museum in Hot Springs? Nope, Caeli and I ventured from the bedrooms to the living room. Museum of Discovery? Nah. The only discoveries that happened were from rearranging and cleaning the living room, and how consumerific Ryan’s World really is. Yeah, I said consumerific instead of materialistic – I’m a linguist, I can do that ish.

After what seemed like the overstocking of our cabinets and bonus rooms have ended, all we have are each other and fiddy-leven rolls of paper towels and toilet paper to last us well into next year. Yeah, we’re going to be wiping our butts that often. Diarrhea is an early symptom of coronavirus, perhaps that is the reason why there was such a run of Charmin. The biggest irony of people making epic runs on every stinking store under the sun and emptying out Sam’s Club is that the same day I do my normal grocery shopping for the house, no store within a few hundred miles except my local Five Below had hand sanitizer! I haven’t had a haircut in a while but being a good essential employee, I decided to follow my safety manager’s advice and shave my beard off. Not the best move: I look like Norbit without it. I won’t cut it completely off again with our upcoming annual refresher class, yet the hairline has gone wild. Not Black Republican wild, but wild enough for me to keep a hat on my dome until I can talk my barber into a house call.

 In an unrelated matter, people were snatching up toilet paper and hand sanitizer. Yet, why do the stores have so much soap on their aisles? Are they not washing their asses?


For much of the week I cooked for the house – and for those who missed out on the #stayincookout hosted by PK Grills as well as my own posts on both social media platforms, I had a pretty solid week. One takeaway from those four days (I did a sheet pan Wednesday) is that cooking inside the house is not my thing anymore nor is peeling and deveining shrimp. Beyond that, my trial run of BRATSTRAVAGANZA (brats-trav-a-ganza) probably was the best BBQ shot I’ve taken all year! I’ve also been working on sauces, and with a couple of small tweaks, Peachin’ Ain’t Easy could join the year-round rotation instead of being alternated with Dem Berries during the spring and fall seasons. 

Chicken leg quarters from #stayincookout

My new BBQ sauce:  Peachin' Ain't Easy


Seriously…coronavirus is something new that we would wise to follow the health professionals and do our own study regarding the virus. While it is recommended that we stay inside for the indefinite future, it is not a death sentence. I guess being blessed to be a part of Generation X and cursed as a blerd, remaining at home has been a remarkably easy thing to do in an age which the internet is truly for everyone (ditto for smartphones) as the technology has come down in price and become more accessible to everyone. Trust me, I remember paying a thousand dollars for a Gateway computer, $200 for C software, and the cussing I took for buying a TI-89 graphing calculator. As of today, there is no vaccine for COVID-19, also known as the China virus, that our extra-hateful U.S. Senator keeps calling the pandemic. You know the guy – the one who your teachers, pastors, police officers, bank officers, small business owners, middle managers, etc. all line up behind to vote for in November because he proselytizes their gospel of white supremacy. You can’t tell me otherwise.



While this time of being cooped up in the house has hopefully made us closer to our loved ones, at least we have the solace of being able to use Duo or FaceTime or whichever web-based communication method with our grandparents, in-laws, etc. using those smart rules of social distancing. Use the season of Coronacation to study the tomes of our higher powers, discern what is right vs. what is convenient which ultimately is wrong, and reset our bodies, minds, spirits, and ambitions to a center which is pleasing in thy sight. Acknowledge that the quest for securing the bag is not a replacement for a tender touch or a few minutes of playtime with our daughter.


Remember the Coronavirus Five:
1. Hands Wash your hands.
2. Elbow Cough into your elbows.
3. Face Don’t touch your face.
4. Feet Stay more than three feet apart.
5. Feel sick? Stay home.

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