Does Blackness Require a Litmus Test?

blackness (blak-ness) - 1. referring to how black an individual is by measuring his or her behavior to how well they fit the stereotype. Can also be referred to the respect but not posing of one fitting the black stereotype. 2. a socioeconomic identity pertaining to only black Americans. 

In light of the events arising from the defending Super Bowl champion Seattle Seahawks' locker room and the comments retired NBA Hall of Famer Charles Barkley made about blackness - or the lack thereof - I wonder if there is a litmus test to be sufficiently black. This has been a fixture recently in large part of the 2008 election and subsequent 2012 re-election of President Barack Obama.

Does blackness require a litmus test? I'm pretty certain I've failed most of them, but Johnny Law & politicians see me as something else.
— A. Cedric Armstrong (@cedteaches) October 28, 2014

What exactly is blackness constituted of? Being able to play basketball and recite rap lyrics exceedingly well? The number of women that a man has sex with? Is it the style of dress? What about the cars we drive - or aspire to own? Our grasp of the English language - specifically, having the ability to make complete sentences and extended conversations without the crutches of "uh, you know what I'm saying", or the use of swear words to convey a point? Perhaps blackness can extend to the foods we eat and/or the people we associate ourselves with? Or even the jobs we perform, for those of us who are gainfully employed? To find ourselves in a narrow box not only limits our world to what we are acutely familiar, but it also red lines us to being overrepresented in the things that do matter to all of us such as the crime blotter. 

The question of blackness has been around since our ancestors were forcibly brought to America as slave labor to toil in a strange land rife with abuse and unfavorable conditions both man-made and natural. For example, a principal slave route was from west Africa in present-day Liberia to New York City and New Haven! How much of our original culture have we been able to retain if it has been both a portal and a conduit for the ruling class and even other minority groups to wreak havoc and contempt toward our very existence and humanity. What was initially established as a coping mechanism since we lost almost everything else save religion (see Answers to the Questions Religion Didn't Answer) to survive the insanity of our oppression has become an idiocy of its own by the ignorant in speech and conduct. We have employed and taken full advantage of the very concept of blackness regarding employment, education,and a myriad of opportunities that were lost to us due to our heritage; on the flip side, it has been used as a trump card when someone is viewed insufficiently black. You know the nicknames: house Negro, sellout, Oreo, Uncle Tom, OJ.

Where Charles Barkley gets it wrong about blackness having a litmus test is the fact that as a former professional basketball player, he spent seventeen years in front of the media speaking his mind and has the bank account to insulate himself from the struggles of the rest of us. I do agree with him in the sense (grudgingly) about the crabs in a barrel mentality; ideally, we all should applaud each other for being successful in our arenas of life but it does not always happen. Intelligent black males - we're more than simply well-spoken - are often targeted by the so-called blackness police. Trust me, I've been harassed regularly by that outfit for years. Being smaller and smarter than most of my contemporaries in addition to generally nerdy before it was cool, I was the picture of "trying to be white" when it was a case of wanting to be accepted. Obviously, their definition of blackness was way different from mine - and it still is. 

We're the only people who are rewarded more with street cred for going to jail or sleeping with multiple women. For doing the right thing by getting a quality education, going to work every day ON TIME, and thinking ahead toward the future, we're labeled as squares. Well, cool with me. 

How the hell does that happen?

Could it be the subliminal messages we are reared with, to give back and reach out to those who helped us get to where we are? Example:  When I get paid, I'm gonna buy my momma a new house. It's easy for athletes to do so when they turn pro and make a fistful of dollars in their early to mid-twenties, but what about those of us who stayed in school four, five or six years to earn degrees? I don't know who Bobby Shmurda is? Fine, I'm almost 36. I let that party scene go years ago. Those who have to settle for Mitsubishis instead of getting new Bimmers to show the fruits of our labor? Being asked if (or what) fraternity I would pledge in college, as if that should matter more than getting my degree. By the way, I did join Alpha Phi Omega. I was told by more than one person I was again "too white" for the Divine Nine. What about the one that I grew up hearing - and I'm sure every brother heard it at one point or another:  If she can't use your comb, she can't come home with you. Yeah, I dated white women in the past and probably ninety percent of my friends are white - classmates, buddies, co-workers - but does it mean I am any less black? Life would be difficult if I were limited to a microcosm of what is perceived versus who I really am. 

Just for giggles, I'll add a few litmus questions to determine authenticity:

• Do you know what worldstarhiphop.com is?
• Upon getting paid, your check goes to a) the bank in a savings account; b) court fines for that battle royal from the other Saturday night at the club; c) f**k that, I'm getting the new J's; or d) heading to the rim shop to stunt 22" wheels for the weekend?
• Do you sag?
• How many baby mamas do you have? How is the relationship with them, if multiple?
• Is anything not rap, R & B, gospel, or the blues considered "white music"?
• Do you own multiple flat-billed baseball caps and matching t-shirts for each?
• Does your V8 Chevrolet have $2 worth of gas on a regular basis?
• Have you ever bought or sold food stamps?
• What is more attractive in a woman, a big brain or a big butt? Don't deny it.
• What do you call the guy at work who gets to wear regular business clothes instead of a company-issued uniform?
• When your child needs discipline, is it with anything you can reach (i.e. belts, switches, the Bible) or a few minutes in timeout?
• Matter of fact, what are you views on timeout?
• Do you turn up on the 4th of July and do nothing for Juneteenth?
• Is basketball - or football - the scope of your outdoor activities?
• Does the word "motherf*cker" enter regular conversation? Is it used as a noun, verb, and an adjective?
• Do your rims, paint job, or stereo system in any combination cost more than the actual car?
• Is school for nerds? What is the purpose of education beyond the fashion show the first week?
• Do you know what CME holidays are in the church?
• Have you done unsavory deeds to make sure a bill was paid before its shut-off date?
• How many tattoos do you have?
• What colors do your wave caps come in other than the customary black?
• If someone outside of the group uses the N-word, what is your reaction? 

If you're offended by any of those, I'm not sorry. I feel the same way when you question my blackness when I am more than willing to share my knowledge and idiosyncrasies about myself as well as deviate from the stereotypical thugs and assorted idiots who have made a mockery of what it is to be black. 14.5 million people do not all behave in monolithic lockstep, so why do we expect us to? I don't think we require a litmus test solely because our individual experiences are part of a larger collective tapestry. I do believe Russell Wilson and Charles Barkley are their own brands of black, just as the rest of us - and even those who are perceived as fake, like Supreme Court judge Clarence Thomas and our lost brethren like rapper Yung Thug. 

Who in the hell approved you to be the blackness police, anyway?