Do I Really Know You?

Gone are the days of “friending” and “following” everybody and their mamas on social media just because it seemed to be the cool thing to do. After dabbling in the Facebook (’07), Twitter, LinkedIn and Google + (’11) arenas, I have come to discover that I really don’t know people in the ways I thought I did. It’s also why I am finally becoming more selective of who I allow in that world, just as I am in the real world. Some of my personal criteria are spelled out below, but I reserve the right to include (or reject) you from my sphere, as there are exceptions to every rule.

Did I go to school with you? Just because you attended Henderson State or Conway High does not automatically mean I will gladly accept you. There are people I simply don’t know, and others who have shown enough of their characters for me not to associate with them. It’s one thing for me to have known you since the first grade through classes, and another to be a lifelong friend since freshman year in Newberry Hall. If our relationship isn’t tangible, then that becomes a no.

Have I seen or talked to you in the last five years? I’ll include comments via social media as conversing. If I have seen, hung out, or talked with you within the last five years, then you’re a pretty decent soul in my eyes – and this does not include the obligatory Happy Birthday verbal massage via Facebook. I used to have a six-month expiration date on cultivating friendships, but life sort of gets in the way meaning I have stretched that out to five years. Beyond that timeline, we really don’t matter to each other.

Did (or do) I ever work with you? With some exceptions, I generally do not friend my co-workers because once I leave that circle we have in common, there is nothing else. Let those experiences remain in the past, yet keep a positive image out there as you never know when you may need a recommendation for the next adventurous endeavors. From my own experiences, I have discovered the people you hitch your wagon to can cause you to really question your own character, and in some cases, dumb you down.

Does your worldview correlate with mine? As notoriously introverted as I am, I still have a reputation for being open-minded and to some people, which has led me to be a common target of derision. Nothing new; I’ve dealt with the bad behavior over the past quarter-century or so. I’ve lived in different places, cobbled together an odd career path, experienced different things, and in 85% of my interactions, I have been a pilgrim in a wilderness too dangerous to venture sans armor. As an outsider, I tend to embrace those who understand those parts of my journey are what have made me or at the very least, pique my interests. Just as I’ll reject demagoguery, those who cannot offer intangibles are unworthy of my time and energy.

What do you talk about? The subjects you discuss do matter to me. While I do enjoy seeing pictures of your families, lovely homes, vacations, and assorted life events, they should not be the only things you ever talk about. I’m looking for well-rounded friends, not people who fit neatly in Mitt Romney’s binders within one category of another. Obviously if your comments primarily center on the television, the next party, hatred of the current President, and what amounts to covert racism (none of you are hopefully crass enough to make blatant comments), then you must be dismissed from the group. As a retired sports fan, it is refreshing not to live and die for the next ESPN update on the Boston Red Sox or Miami Heat – David Ortiz isn’t making my mortgage payments, nor Dwyane Wade is paying off our cars and credit cards. Be varied.

I acknowledge that no one is perfect, but do me a huge favor and spell-check your posts before pressing send. I’ll forgive you, but if you cannot figure out when to use there/they’re/their and your/you’re properly, I’ll make certain to buy you a dictionary with a thesaurus at Christmas or your birthday. If that continues, I’ll simply unfriend you.

Who Am I? I’ll use my Twitter bio (@cedteaches) to tell you. Keep in mind it is not all-inclusive, but pretty accurate: practicing Christian, Chastity’s husband, Kenneth and Karen’s son, Alan’s brother, uncle, friend, retired sports fan, Afrocentric, lifelong workaholic, beer nerd, and probably the most socially awkward person you know.