Love Is...

Lovin', is what I got, I said remember that Lovin', is what I got, now remember that #NP Sublime - What I've Got #tbt

— A. Cedric Armstrong (@cedteaches) August 27, 2015

Excuse my need for post-grunge ‘90s rock with the great Sublime classic “What I Got.” Listen to the song at your own convenience and download it to your favorite internet radio station.

I recently found a picture with my brother and cousin Roy while rummaging around the other bedroom – the one with stuff piled from here to the ceiling only because I haven’t had the time or recruits to put up the gosh darned storage building. We were younger and thinner – in Roy’s case, it was the end of Texas high school baseball season. Since none of us paternal cousins had a camcorder nearby, we made do with the next best thing:  100 mm film. Don’t act brand new, there was a time when you dropped off camera film at the kiosks within Wal-Mart, Walgreens, or some other pharmacy and waited two weeks for it to come back developed. Eighteen years ago, we were the kids anxious to be grown men without a care, worry (only about girls - I was always a latecomer) or concern in the world. In that picture you could evoke the naiveté!

Wow. Time sure has flown.

I grew up in an era before cell phones became ubitiquous. The “it people” carried pagers of various colors stuffed into Girbaud jean pockets. Social media? Pfft. You passed notes and/or honed in your nonverbal skills. I have photos – the yearbooks are at my parents’ house. Ditto for the letterman jacket and trumpet in the back of the closet of my old bedroom.

As Alan texted me pictures, I was mostly smiling and at one point, I even laughed loudly enough for my wife to look over at me.

No cell phone back then, no more deadlines – for three months – since I had graduated from Conway High the prior Friday. Check out the legendary Afro.

Again, I was smiling.

I didn’t have a care in the world. If you found even earlier pictures of Nacole and me playing on the swing set, you’d see a kid who truly lived in the moment sans distractions.

Little Cedric is everything I’m not today. Even the teenage me is a completely different dude.

Don’t get it twisted; I’ve had quite the blessed life. I’m not complaining about how life has turned out at all – far from it. However, I’d be lying if I didn’t wonder what could have happened on the journey from the pastel yellow crib I slept in from birth to Bryant, Arkansas.

What if I had gone really, really wrong somewhere?

Everything has a process and every movie contains scenes sometimes found in the outtakes or the cutting floor. I grew up, got married, hold a steady job plus pursue a passion I greatly enjoy and a perfect baby girl who loves her Daddy…but I picked up some serious responsibilities. Childhood expired a while back and it is a rite I can no longer live although the memories were generally okay.

But after seeing those pictures, I am wistful.

To have that mindset.

To simply be a kid.

To make that perfect jump from the bike ramp.

To have my grandma pick me and shove candy in my pockets and let me eat chocolate donuts for breakfast. 

To see my mom and dad as superheroes, not just my parents. 

To truly be carefree, with nary a worry. 

I do see one kid in all of the memories. 

My daughter Caeli.

Caeli is six months old, but I see the sheer joy of life every time she discovers something new for the very first time.

A few mornings ago, I had to wake up to feed my little girl. After finishing her bottle, Caeli was wide awake and ready to do some talking and playing with her Daddy. What happened next was for the ages:  After I placed her on the tummy time mat, I picked up my phone. As Caeli scooted, I laid across the floor from her snapping away with the pictures of her conquering the pillow at the end of the mat. One time, she looked up and grinned as to say “Daddy, this is fun! Let’s do it again!” Even at 6 am, she is amazing to be around and call my baby.

I don’t want this to ever end.

With Caeli, love is living in the moment and not thinking too far ahead into the future. Besides, thinking is for when she takes her midmorning nap. I’m also glad for saving all of the memories in the cloud, as Google will synonymous with the encyclopedia of our day and microfiches of earlier times. What will her reactions be? Where will the journey take her and how can we influence her, while letting her find her own way?

Love is what I’ve got. Remember that.

Love is also letting Mommy sleep in so we can have daddy-daughter time.

I love looking into those big brown eyes as I read stories such as Goldilocks and the Three Bears and Night, Night in the rocker chair. She lays there content because her whole world consists of Mommy and Daddy loving and catering to her every whim. She doesn’t have to deal with disappointment yet or come home with a broken heart; she hasn’t had someone tell her a boldfaced lie; she hasn’t been called an ugly name or worse. She’s experienced none of this. Her hope, heart, and spirit are all intact – all of which I want to forever to remain that way.

Love is maintaining that childlike innocence and exuberance.

Love is seeing that authentic smile on her – and keeping it on her.