I took the first step forward, and all of a sudden it since feels like a gut punch from Iron Mike. I know it's not supposed to be this way, and once I made the first move forward, then why does it seem like I am catching fades from all sides and some from directions I did not expect? I guess this is one of those storms that keep on raging in my life, to paraphrase the great gospel singer Douglas Miller; honestly, sometimes it's hard to tell the night from day.
To view the video of Douglas Miller singing this poignant track that is heard in nearly every Black church service at least one Sunday a month, click on the link. If it isn't being sung, your house of worship may have a lousy singer like myself with a microphone. [Mt. Zion knew I couldn't sing, but Deacon Ced tried nonetheless. I'm not giving Saint Mark the notion of bad singing that the media team would desire to boo me off the stage like the Apollo.]
For those who really want to sing along, the accompanying lyrics are below:
Though the storms keep on raging in my life
And sometimes it's hard to tell the night from day
Still that hope that lies within is reassured
As I keep my eyes upon the distant shore
I know He'll lead me safely to
That blessed place He has prepared
But if the storms don't cease
And if the winds keep on blowing in my life
My soul has been anchored in the Lord
Ooh, ooh
I realize that sometimes in this life
We're gonna be tossed by the waves
And the currents that seem so fierce
One thing I like
But in the word of God I've got an anchor, hallelujah
And it keeps me steadfast and unmovable
Despite the tide
But if, if the storms just don't cease
And just in case the wind keeps on blowing
Blowing in my life
My soul
My soul's been anchored
In the Lord
In the Lord
Lord
My soul
My soul been anchored
In the Lord
My soul
My soul
My, my-my-my my
My, my-my-my my, my, my, my
My soul
My soul been anchored
My soul been anchored
My soul been anchored
My soul been anchored
Though the billiards may roll
The breakers may dash
But I shall not sway because
He hold me fast
So dark the day
Clouds in the sky
I know it's alright
Because Jesus is nigh
And my soul
My soul
My soul
My, my-my my
My, my-my my, my, my, my, my, my
My, my-my my, my, my, my
My soul
My soul
My soul
My soul
My, my-my
My, my-my-my my my
My, my-my my
My, my-my-my-my-my my
My, my, my-my-my-my my, my
My, listen
You crush me down but Jesus picks me up
He sticks right by me when the going gets tough
And my soul
My soul
My soul
My soul has been anchored in the...
My soul
My soul
My soul
My soul
My soul
My, my-my-my
My, my-my-my
My, my-my-my, my-my-my my
Though the billiards may roll
And the breakers may dash
I shall not sway 'cause he hold me
He hold me
Through sickness and pain
Sunshine and the rain
My, my, my, my, my, my, my
My, my-my-my (my, my-my-my)
My, my-my-my (my, my-my-my)
My soul (my soul)
My soul has been
Has been, help me say it
Anchored
Anchored
In, in to the Lord
So what happened? Let's go back in time to Good Friday - or further down the road, to late December from a routine doctor's appointment with the urologist. My PSA (prostate specific antigen) count was triple the mean, and since it had remained normal all of this time, he was concerned enough to order a MRI to make sure I was still OK and if he might have seen something amiss. Two months later at that exam and the beginning of three-digit expenses, enough was seen for me to return to another trip and one more exam. Although it could very well save my life, having a biopsy done is a 0/10 for the pain induced afterwards. Not only was I literally butthurt but also I had sprained both my left ankle and right wrist walking in the neighborhood from stepping in a hole in the street three hours prior. In this moment, I have to not only leave it all up to God but also do what is best for my wife and daughter for Lord knows my baby needs her Daddy, and the way better and significant help meet wants to keep doing this journey with me come hell or high water. As I am knowledgeable of probabilities from my days as a hack bettor and understanding analytics first through sports that I was never good enough to play and later on Roulette tables, I knew the odds were not exactly in my favor due to my own genetics and family history, I rolled the dice anyway and prayed for a positive outcome.
Good Friday, April 18, 2025, will forever be etched in my journey on this rock.
My doctor gave me the news: I have prostate cancer.
For those who wish to know, I am Stage 2. It's early enough to capture and beat for a full life but enough for some serious life changes to occur and have the procedure done pronto.
Thank God Chastity was in the room next to me because I was too tired to be shocked from having worked off an hour earlier, and with the fact of that I needed a quick nap before it was time to get my locs retwisted really did not allow me to have time to sit and mope.
Yet.
I was given three options two of which were not viable at all, so I had a few days to weigh out the pros and cons of each direction before conferring with our decision to win this war. Once we came to the choice, scheduling the next step became the next critical thing. Am I worried? Of course! How are the bills going to be paid if I have to miss work for more than a few days? Who's mowing this grass? The earlier appointments ate through my PTO. What about vacation time this summer? Would I be able to go without being a burden? What are the ramifications of the eventual treatments? What becomes of my immediate family's dynamic? Any count, whooping prostate cancer is way bigger than me, so leaving my faith on the line in God's hand is the only way.
I gave myself ten days to mope around, and now, it's time to go head-on with the beast in my body.
In the coming days I'll be taking an extended hiatus from social media beyond those happy birthday memes my Facebook friends receive - and yes, even Barbecue Sundays at the house. What I am asking for are prayers (and well-wishes from those who do not pray or believe in a higher power) for my family, a successful beatdown of cancer, and a full recovery to resume normal life activities to enjoy all of you.
That's it.
God bless, I'm out.